


Sanders Sides Oneshots

by Imagine_The_Fandoms



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Crack, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Human Sides (Sanders Sides), Hurt, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Intrulogical, Loceit - Freeform, Logince - Freeform, M/M, Mociet - Freeform, One Shot, Oneshot collection, Platonic Moxiety, Princiety - Freeform, Roceit - Freeform, Some Plot, Unrequited Love, Whump, analogical - Freeform, logicality - Freeform, requests are open, royality, what the hell is up with the relationship tags
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-23
Updated: 2019-09-20
Packaged: 2019-10-14 20:19:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 28
Words: 28,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17515265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Imagine_The_Fandoms/pseuds/Imagine_The_Fandoms
Summary: You can read the fucking title can't you?(Lol not being rude I'm just too lazy to type a summary)





	1. No One

**Virgil has a nightmare. Minor angst I guess. Logan is pretty OOC but I love Analogical so I had to.**

 

Virgil woke up screaming.  _Same nightmare. Dammit._ Sitting up in bed, he sighed and rubbed his temples. It had been the same nightmare for 2 weeks now. A dark room. 4 locked doors. Logan's voice screaming from behind one, Patton crying from behind another, and Roman's voice begging to die from behind the 3rd door. The fourth door was his own, and he went for it, trying to escape the horrible sounds from his fellow traits. As he neared the door, the sounds grew louder until he finally grasped the doorknob, only to fall. Fall into nothingness, fall straight down into hell. Into Darkness. Suddenly, sinister laughter and red eyes. 'You can never escape me.' It was the voice of his inner demons. 'The others don't want you. You know that. Why don't you just do them a favor and end it all?' The voice had asked. More than once, Virgil was tempted. It would be so easy, so easy just to pick up the knife, so easy to cut into his wrist, so easy to give in to the darkness. At least the nightmares would stop. Virgil got up and walked into a small,soundproof, annex. He closed the door and screamed. Screamed out all his anger, all his frustration, all his pain. He screamed for himself, and he screamed for the world to stop, he screamed like the wounded animal he was. It wasn't long before he screamed himself hoarse. The tears threatened to fall yet he forced himself not to cry. He unlocked the door and taking a step out, he tripped and fell into the warm arms of Logan. "Virgil?" asked the logical trait. Virgil looked away. "Are you alright?"asked Logan, his voice wavering with uncharacteristic emotion. "What are you doing here?" asked Anxiety. "I heard screaming and I was wondering if you were being murdered" he said dryly. Virgil looked taken aback. "But that annex is soundproof.." he trailed off, realizing his mistake. Logan led him back to his bed, wrapping around the darker trait's shoulders. "Not for me it's not" he said. "Then how long.." "Every time Virgil, every time you scream, I can hear it." Virgil buried his face in his hands, mortified. There was a rustling and a bar of chocolate appeared in Logan's hand. He gently pushed it into the anxious man's hand. "Eat" He prompted gently. "Thanks mom" murmured Virgil. Logan's mouth twitched. "So, what were you screaming about?" Asked the logical trait. Anxiety shifted. "Nothing" "Falsehood" said Logan. "Please Virgil, I want to help" It was his tone of voice that urged him to open up. "It was the nightmare. The same nightmare I've had for 2 weeks now.." Logan pulled him closer as Virgil told the other side all about the doors, the voices,   
his demons. The tears that gathered in his eyes finally fell. Logan lifted the darker traits chin and wiped his tears away. "It'll be alright Virgil" he said softly. Virgil gazed into Logan's chocolate coloured eyes. "How?" He asked numbly. He closed his eyes. "I'm alone in the world, always in the dark. I know that you guys barely tolerate me. Face it, I'm a freak" with each word, dark smoke filled his mind clouding his thoughts. "I have no one Logan, nobody to love, nobody to cry with, nobody to be my friend. No one." He heard the other man move until Virgil's head was on his shoulder. "Don't say that Virgil. You have no idea." He murmured. More smoke filled Anxiety's head. "I do. I know what you guys think. I know that I'm not appreciated. It would be better if I just died. You know?" He felt Logan pull away and after a moment's pause, he felt a pair of soft lips on his own, and suddenly, the smoke was gone. Logan pulled away and rested his forehead against Virgil's. "Don't you ever say that, ok? Thomas couldn't function without you, hell, I couldn't function without you." Virgil nodded, still in shock, then he smiled as a warm feeling filled his body. "Virgil? Please say something." The darker side kissed him again, curling one hand in the other's hair. "I love you" He murmured. He felt Logan smile. "I love you too"


	2. A Crown of Blood and Roses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based off this animatic

**This is based off of the animatic called "ready as I'll ever be" by thepastelpeach. Some Prinxiety and a smidge of Logicality. The plot is not mine, the animatic is also not mine. Here's the plot, I'll just be turning it into a fanfic and adding an ending**. _"Set in medieval/magical world or something and Thomas is king. Roman was born a simple peasant, but always dreamed of being a dashing prince, but since he doesnt have an ounce of royal blood in him the closest thing he can get to a prince is to become a knight. so he does and, eventually, becomes thomas' most trusted knight and close friend. one day while out wandering the woods roman stumbles upon a suspicious looking man with yellow eyes and scales who compliments roman, singing his praises and promising him all of his wildest hopes and dreams, "you can be royal too, rule your very own kingdom" "...ill be a prince?" "your majesty, you will be /king/"so the stranger gives roman roses, more than a dozen of beautiful red ones, and tell him to pass them out to everyone he meets. "the people will love you" the man says "a king needs loyal people" so roman does, and the people really do love him. but a couple of weeks later the snake man approaches roman with a crown of red roses and sharp thorns "every king needs a crown" but the moment he places it on his head the thorns dig into his skin. the roses drain of their vibrant red hue until they're pitch black. anyone who'd accidentally been pricked by the roses he gave them fall into a zombie like daze. the perfect obedient people. "i promised you a kingdom, i never said id give you a entirely new one" so roman becomes twisted, kingnaps thomas and takes full control of the castle. anyone not affected by the roses flees, including royal adviser logan and two castle staff incredibly close to the crown, patton and virgil. the remaining forces of thomas' kingdom gather on the outskirts of the palace and virgil, a close 'friend' of romans' since childhood who's desperate to get him back, leads the charge to take back the castle."_ **This takes place just before the attack, so I'm picking up from where the animatic ends.**

**3rd Person P.O.V**

Roman grinned as he looked out over his army, drinking in his success. Behind him King Thomas paced about the room anxiously, worried for his subjects' safety. Roman stepped back into the room where the King was. "Well, your highness?" he asked, spreading his hands and bowing sarcastically. "What happened to you Roman? You used to be one of my most trusted knights! How did you get here?" he cried. Something flashed across Roman's eyes, quickly gone, replaced with hostility. "I had a change of heart" he said flatly. Thomas was perceptive and could see that there was more to it than that. "Roman..." he tried, reaching out to his former appointed knight. The rouge turned away, the crown on his head shifting slightly. "No" and with that, he stalked off to the balcony, staring out across his kingdom.

Virgil sighed, tying the red sash around his neck. "Ah, Roman. What have you done?"he murmured, glancing at the people that had congregated in the courtyard staring listlessly up at a tower. Turning back to his small army, he raised his voice. "The time has come to defeat Roman, who has kingnapped Thomas and taken control of half of the kingdom. The rest are in hiding. Now I know you will see some familiar faces, but remember, they are under the traitors-" his voice cracked a little at 'traitor' "-traitor's spell, knock them out if you must. But now... WHO'S WITH ME?!" he cried, raising his sword. His army roared back with the force of a thunder clap, moved by his speech. Patton and Logan checked in beside him. "Are you ready?" asked Logan. "I'm ready" murmured Patton, gripping his sword defiantly. "Ready as I'll ever be" said Virgil, touching the sash around his neck.

Logan and Patton fought back to back, clearing a path for Virgil as they struggled to get to the castle door. Logan winced as he struck a blow to the back of a woman's head. _Talyn...Joan...Valerie...Terrance...so many faces...so many screams I'll never get out of my head._ "Logan? Logan? LOGAN?!" Patton waved a hand in front of his boyfriend's face. **(Yes they are dating, deal with it b)** The brunette snapped out of his daze. "Yes?" He asked. "We're here" he said, pointing at the door that Virgil had just pushed open. Logan gulped. This was it. As they crept cautiously inside, the door slammed shut behind them. The lights snapped on and suddenly, Roman was there, his yellow eyes glittering maliciously, Thomas shackled to the wall behind him. Virgil's heart twisted as he saw his friend, nay, former friend cruelly trace the edge of a knife around Thomas' heart, not enough to kill, but enough to draw blood. Thomas steeled his face, although Patton could see the pain in his eyes, the longing to scream, the hope that this was all a trick and the real Roman would jump up and scream "April Fools!" from behind a pillar, but he knew, from the natural grace that Roman had with a dagger, from the corners of his mouth as they twitched into a sadistic grin, that their old friend was gone. "So nice of you to join us" he said, slinking lazily around the king. "Let him go" said Logan, trying to keep the waver out of his voice. Roman tilted his head thoughtfully. "Why should I do that?" he asked, grabbing Thomas' chin and twisting it this way and that "He's such a beautiful little thing. I might keep him" he laughed, with the certainty of a madman who thinks that he's right. "I said, LET. HIM. GO" commanded Virgil. Roman sneered and spat at their feet. "No! You will listen to me now! I am king! See? All my life I have never amounted to anything and now! now is my time and YOU WILL BOW TO ME!" he bellowed, sliding his sword out of its sheath. "No" One word. Strong. Defiant. Thomas. Roman turned around slowly. " _What?_ " "I said, No" continued Thomas, making small frantic gestures with his eyes at the 3 others. GET THAT CROWN, his eyes screamed. As Roman twirled his knife in his hands, Virgil crept up behind the rouge, silent, almost cat like. "You know, your highness, you should really learn to hold your tongue, maybe we should fix that." Just as he was about to cut into the king's pale skin, Virgil leapt up behind the former knight and snatched the crown of thorns from his head.

There was an instant change, Roman's eyes returned to it's usual chocolate brown, and he dropped the knife in horror. Outside, those who had been under the spell were released and stopped fighting. "Roman?" asked Patton. "No. No. No. What have I done?! Oh my god Thomas" he took a pair of keys from his pocket and quickly unshackled the king. "Roman! Oh my god! are you ok?!" cried Virgil, snapping out of his shock. "Am I ok?! shouldn't I be asking if you are ok?!" Virgil shrugged, trying to ignore the crown that was burning in his hands. "Why don't you tell us what happened?" and so Roman told them all about the stranger, the roses, the crown, by the time he had finished though, Virgil couldn't suppress a cry of pain as the thorns flared white hot. "Virgil drop it. drop it now." said Thomas. Virgil threw it to the ground as a grey smoke billowed from the thorns and curled into words.

_One of you must take the crown, or your subjects will all die. The one who takes the crown shall leave this life forever, choose wisely._

"It should be me" said Roman, "I'm the cause of all of this" He was met by a chorus of No's from his friends. "We just got you back, we are not losing you again." Virgil bent down to pick it up but Thomas stopped him. "No Virgil, it should be me" Everyone gasped. "Please, I have seen the way you look at each other, I have no use here." Everyone stared at the crown. "But who will lead the kingdom?" asked Logan. "Well, I was kind of counting on Roman here" he gestured to the knight who was still looking incredibly guilty. "No, Look, I'm alright...with being a knight, if, I still am one." Before anyone could day anything else, Logan and wrapped a cloth around his hands and picked up the crown. "I'll do it." Patton was fighting back tears already. "Logan...no...why?" he asked. Ignoring him, he turned to Thomas. "My king, find someone better as your royal advisor. You are going to need one" Leaving no time for a response, he turned to Roman. "I just want you to know, I do not blame you in the slightest, This is purely my choice." Roman nodded dumbly. "Virgil, Please help Patton get through this, it will not be easy for him, and I've seen the way you look at Roman, go for it before it's too late." Virgil flushed. Finally turning to Patton, who had let go of his restraint ages ago and was now crying, he touched his check in a tender farewell. "Patton, I have known you for almost 2 years now, please remember me and move on. I know it will not be easy. Please do not be angry at Roman, it is not his fault." Patton cried harder and buried his face into Logan's shoulder. "Logan... please, don't go" he chocked out. Logan smiled sadly and stepped back. "It's alright my love, take your time, I'll see you on the other side." and interlacing their fingers once more, he dropped the crown onto his head.

Black petals swirled around him until he had vanished from sight. Once the petals had dissipated, for a split second, Logan was still standing, a hand raised in a goodbye, then the life drained from his eyes and he collapsed to the ground. "LOGAN NO!" cried Patton, rushing to his lover's side. Thomas knelt beside him, frantically checking for a pulse. There was none. Patton stopped crying and keeled over, hugging the lifeless form. Roman stifled a sob and tackled Virgil into a hug. To everyone's surprise, Patton sank back onto his haunches and pulled a small box from his inner pocket. "I was going to ask him, the day of the attack" he said softly, opening the box and pulling out a silver band. Gently, he lifted Logan's hand and slid it onto his ring finger. There was so much emotion in that one movement that the 3 watching had to look away, wanting Patton to have a private moment to himself. Once he had looked up, there was a renewed fire in his eyes. "Roman? Can you describe this stranger to me?" He asked. Roman, seeing where Patton was going with this, did so, describing him in great detail. Patton stood up. "Today, Tomorrow, we rebuild. In three days I leave for the forest." Thomas looked puzzled. "Why?" Patton looked over his shoulder and grinned. "To find the devil that murdered my fiancé of course"

_3 years later_

Thomas looked up as he heard the clopping of hooves on the portcullis. Opening his door he went downstairs and out of the castle just in time to see Patton leap down from his horse and pull a suspiciously body-shaped bag from the wagon hitched behind it. "Patton?" he asked. Patton pulled out a knife and slit the top of the bag open. "Go get Roman" he said, as if he hadn't been gone for 3 years, twirling the dagger between his fingers. Thomas returned five minutes later with Roman, who was very puzzled. Patton peeled back the sides of the bag. "Did snake face look something like this?" he asked. Roman smiled and nodded. "That's him alright" Thomas walked over and kicked the body sharply. "That's for corrupting my friend" Thomas kicked him again. "And that's for murdering my best friend." As a couple of guards dropped the body down a well, the three walked back to the castle. "So what's new?" asked Patton. Just then, Virgil walked up behind them. "Patton! You're back!" he exclaimed. "So what's new?" he asked again. Roman and Virgil grinned. " Well... We got married!!" squealed Roman, holding up his left hand. Patton squealed along with him. Virgil and Thomas rolled their eyes. As the group continued on, Patton looked behind him once more, and stopped dead. "Patton? what is it?" asked Virgil. He blinked. "I just thought I saw... Never mind" and they continued back up to the castle, chatting and laughing, just like old times.

_Behind them though..._

Logan smiled, his wings lifting him into the air as he flew back to heaven. Patton was safe, his friends were alive.  He couldn't wish for anything else. Just then, a figure with wings as dark as night landed in front of him. "Hello" said the yellow-eyed stranger in an oily voice. "Go to hell you lying snake" muttered Logan. And he did.


	3. What Best Friends Are For

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logicality AU where Logan comes out to his parents and now they hate him, so he runs away to Patton's house, his best friend. WELL THINGS JUST GO DOWNHILL FROM THERE GET READY FOR SOME FLUFF

_You are no son of mine_

That was the last thing that Logan's father had said to him that day as he tore out of the house, backpack hitting his back with every step. Logan wiped the tears from his eyes and continued running. He had no idea where he was going, he just knew that he needed to get out. Eventually coming to a bench he sat down and pushed his face into the palms of his hands. Suddenly, he felt a hand on his shoulder. "Logan? Is that you?" Patton's voice asked. Patton sat down on the bench next to him. "Are you alright Logan? You look like you've been crying your eyes out" he asked, concerned. Logan sniffled and wiped his nose against his sleeve. "I c-came out to my parents and they h-hit me and told me that I wasn't their son anymore." Patton gasped and pulled Logan into a hug. "No Logan! they don't deserve you! You are perfect and special just the way you are, I don't care what anyone else says ok?" Logan nodded. "Look, you can stay over at my place tonight and maybe we can work everything out tomorrow?" Logan nodded and picked up his backpack. He was too tired to notice that on the way back to the apartment, Patton's hand had slipped into his. 

Logan awoke the next morning to bacon frying. He sat up on the couch and vaguely remembered walking back to Patton's apartment. "Patton?" he called. His friend walked into the living room. "Morning!" he said brightly, thrusting a plate into his hands. "Eat!" he implored. "Today I'm going to take you into town, maybe go shopping or something, take your mind off of things" Logan nodded and began shoveling eggs and bacon into his mouth. "Thanks, Pat, I really appreciate it." The brunette adjusted his glasses and tied a gray hoodie around his shoulders. "Well c'mon then!" Logan laughed for the first time in two days. "Hold on. Hold on," he said, changing into a fresh shirt and adjusting his blue tie. Turning around, he noticed Patton staring. "Earth to PattyCake?" he asked, using the old nickname. Patton blushed. "What? Oh! LETS GOOOO!" he yelled, dragging Logan by the arm and flinging him into the car. "This is gonna be so much fun!" he squealed.

_5 hours later..._

"Patton! I'm tired!" laughed Logan as his friend dragged him to yet another store. Patton groaned. "But Logan..." he whined. Logan grinned and opened the door to the shop. "Look, the sun's setting, let's go sit by the lake alright?" he suggested. Patton nodded and within moments, the two were lying side by side on a picnic blanket, looking up at the sky. Logan propped himself up on an elbow and smiled as a slight breeze shifted his hair. The moment didn't last long as someone walked by them and yelled "Faggots!" Patton, however, was taking no bullshit and walked right up to the guy. "Excuse you?" he asked. The guy looked a little surprised. "I said faggots, the pair of you! its unnatural" Patton's frown deepened. "That's not very nice," he said pleasantly. "I don't care if it's nice, why don't you run along and go make out with your boyfriend huh?" Patton sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I really don't want to do this" he muttered. The guy scoffed. "Do what? Wave rainbow flags at me?" "Fuck you," said Patton, punching him square in the jaw. The other man dropped to his knees, shocked. "Who's the fairy now?"  he asked, shaking out his hand and returning to his seat on the blanket.

 Logan was **(ShOoK)** a little surprised. "Who are you and what have you done with Patton?" he asked. His friend chuckled, "Well, self-defense comes in handy when you're queer" Logan sat up quickly. "You too?" he asked. Patton hooted loudly. "Took this long to notice Logan? I mean, really, who dresses like this? what straight guy wears a cat onesie literally every day? the list goes on my friend" Logan laughed and lay back down, his head in Patton's lap. He sighed, steepling his fingers together. "I don't know Pat, I mean, I just feel so lonely all the time. I'm not wanted at home, I literally have no friends except for you. Oh and Virgil and Roman but those two are usually always busy. I-" he breathed out, trying to control his emotions. "-I'm tired of being me. Boring, nerdy, emotionless Logan. The teacher's pet. The one who always turns in his homework three days early. Logan who has never had a girlfriend. Logan who has books for friends." The tears gathered in his eyes but he did not let them fall. "I'm tired of the world Patton. I'm tired of going unnoticed. I'm tired of just being a face you see in the street. A face you forget within five minutes. I'm broken Patton, I'm broken and falling and no one can save me" his voice trailed off. Patton grabbed his shoulders and pulled him up to eye level. Logan squeezed his eyes shut, a single tear escaping the corner of his eye. "I just want...I want...I _need_ to feel loved, I just...I need to belong"

 Patton pulled the other man into a hug. "You DO belong, Logan, you belong here, with your friends, with me" Logan stopped shaking and looked Patton in the eye. "With you?" he mumbled as Patton leaned closer. "With me, Lo" he replied, and the two melted into a kiss as the sun went down,


	4. Happy Pills

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OOOF IM HAVING A BAD DAY SO HERE'S SOME DEPRESSING SHIT. So, medical marijuana is actually a thing, but sometimes it can affect your logic, so I was like, what if I throw all of that out of proportion and make it sad, so here ya go heckers. I guess maybe there's some implied Analogical? A smidge of Prinxiety, blink and you'll miss it.

Logan knew what was happening

He berated himself for being so stupid

He knew that it was only a matter of time.

Thomas had suddenly become ill, and the doctor had prescribed him a medication. Usually, the sides where unaffected by any medicine that their host took, Logan especially, but this time, the particular pills had a particularly devastating effect on the logical trait.

The pills contained marijuana, for medical purposes, obviously, but it began affecting Logan in a very negative way. The first couple of days were fine, no abnormal symptoms. A week in, Logan began to get cramps and muscle spasms. It hurt to move after a while but he gritted his teeth and forced himself to get going. He didn't mention his ailments to the rest of the sides, deciding that they had enough on their plates as of now, with Thomas' new posting schedule. And so Logic continued to suffer in silence. 

Two weeks into the pills, Logan began going through a depression phase. No one noticed, maybe Anxiety noticed that Logan was acting a little off, but he never approached the other side about it. Perhaps no one noticed because Logan always kept his emotions to himself, sometimes Roman secretly called him a robot internally. So no one noticed that the spark of intelligence had faded from the logical trait's eyes, no one noticed that Logan had turned into a shell, no one noticed that his world had gone dark.

5 days later, he began coughing up blood. It had happened unexpectedly, while he was working yet another late night, he felt the urge to cough and suddenly, the page had become stained with bright red liquid. He nearly laughed. _So this is what death feels like._ he thought, almost all rational thought gone. Then he shook himself, cleaned up the desk, and continued working like his life depended on it. Writing day and night like he was running out of time. He had taken to carrying around a napkin, just in case. In the back of his mind, a tiny voice was screaming at him to tell someone, to stop punishing himself, but it was drowned out in waves of inner torment, stress, and pain. His inner light was gone. 

It happened during set up for a new Sanders Sides video, Logan had been feeling lightheaded all day, just as Thomas went to the restroom, he doubled over in a coughing fit. Princey shot him an annoyed look before he realized what was happening. Logan coughed up one last gush of blood and slumped against the wall, just barely clinging to life. The other three were at his side in a flash. "Logan?! Logan?! Speak to me!" cried Patton. "Go upstairs...my room...please.." Virgil started panicking. "Logan?! What's happening?" Logan sighed, losing his grip on reality. "The pills... They're killing me..." Roman's eyes were brimming with tears. "Why didn't you tell us? When did this happen?" "3 weeks ago-ish. It s-started with cramps, then depression. Finally t-this, about f-five days ago." Virgil wiped the blood away. "Why didn't you tell us?" Logic smiled sadly, cupping Virgil's cheek. "You all had enough going on. Besides... You wouldn't have noticed, I'm a robot, a shell" Roman winced. Patton was openly crying. "Is there anything we can do?" he asked, his voice trembling. "Don't forget me" and with that, he was gone. 

Patton collapsed and wailed, Princey hugged him tight. Virgil sat in a vegetive state for a good 10 minutes. Thomas came back from the bathroom. "Guys? What happened?" He asked. The creative side looked up with bloodshot eyes. "Those damn pills Thomas, those godforsaken pills. Logan is dead." Thomas gasped. "No..." Virgil snapped out of his shock and noticed something on Logic's arm. _Please, go to my room._ It read. _All of the answers are there._ As the Thomas and the three remaining sides red the message, they sighed. _Oh Logan. Why didn't we notice?_

In the logical trait's room, there was a small black cube. Virgil walked up to it and on impulse, placed his hand on the top. A 3-D hologram image of Logan appeared on the top. "Logan!" cried Patton. The hologram smiled. "Hey guys, I'm pre-recording this just incase I don't make it out alive." Thomas looked very guilty. Hologram Logan smiled. "Don't sweat it, You couldn't have known. Don't feel bad that you didn't notice, I've learned to keep a tight lid on my feelings." Patton stifled a sob. The recording ended and 3 options popped up, each "button" one of the emblems that represented each side.

Princey walked bravely up to the box and touched his symbol. Another hologram of the logical trait appeared. "Roman. We've know each other since forever. You've always been a great comrade and friend. Ease up on Virgil a little yeah? For me?" Roman nodded and pledged a silent promise. "I know what you think sometimes, Oh look, It's Logan, the robot, he has no emotion. Sometimes, I think you're right, I can't really feel emotion, I'm logic, the impassive one." The creative side rubbed his arm sheepishly. The hologram's expression softened. "It's all right. I also apologize and forgive you for any disputes we've had in the past. Goodbye Princey." With that, the hologram blinked out. "You will be remembered Logan" murmured Roman.

Patton, unable to stand it any longer strode up to the box and brushed his fingertips over his symbol. "Hey dad, just wanted to say, thanks for all the help you've given me over the years. Countless mornings where you've made breakfast for all of us. The times when I've gotten sick and you've looked after me, staying up all night if you had to. The times when you've literally locked me out of my room when I was overworking myself." Despite himself, Patton chuckled as he remembered throwing a kicking and screaming Logan over his shoulder and locking him out of the room until he'd had proper food and rest. "I just want to say thank you, for everything and everything. Please don't blame yourself for not noticing, I wouldn't have noticed me." The recording sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Heck, I don't know how to end this.Goodbye Dad" he murmured and the video blinked out. Patton smiled a watery smile. "Goodbye son"

Virgil was the final one and his breath trembled as he grazed his storm-cloud icon. At once, the hologram came to life. "Hey Virgil." The anxious trait breathed in and mentally steeled himself. "I know what you're going to say. 'Why didn't you tell someone Logan?' Well, knowing myself, I almost certainly would have told you before I died." Virgil spoke at the same time as the recording. "That's not a real reason" Anxiety covered his mouth. "Yes, It is. If I had told you, you would have been worried, and that would have kept Thomas up, in turn keeping Royal Pain-in-the-ass up, in turn making him angry at you. Knowing how you and Depression, unfortunately, go hand in hand, I don't want to think about what would have happened if Thomas lost two parts of his personality." Twin tears rolled down from Virgil's eyes, streaking his eyeshadow. "Farewell, my Emo Nightmare" he said, smiling softly. The darker trait raised a hand. "Say hi to god"

There was silence until the box began to chime and the hologram sprang up once more. "Thomas, just let me say, it is completely alright that you took the medicine. You would have gotten sicker without it. Just know that I am still here, always." Thomas nodded tearfully. "Now listen closely, Thomas is not able to function without logic, so the mind palace will create a replacement. He will look like me, talk like me, act like me. But, he is not me. Please try to act like everything is normal, please be patient with him. I've had to do it before, so it's not too difficult." He gave Patton and Virgil a significant look. Roman looked shell-shocked. "What?" Video Logan sighed. "I hoped it wouldn't come to this, but I'll let Patton and Virgil explain." Patton coughed. "A few years ago, you went off on an adventure and never came back. You sort of, reincarnated in the living room. We were all very confused. But look at where you are, look at where you started. We accepted you, and we think of you as the 'original'" said Patton. Virgil nodded and touched the box, the recording stopped. "It's alright Roman, and I-uh, before you came around, it happened to me as well. I'm version 3.0. Deceit tricked me the first time, and I kind of took too many meds the second." Roman found his voice at last. "H-how do you know?" Virgil flushed. "I wasn't feeling right so I went to Logan. He explained it." The creative side nodded and scrolled his thumb over the box again. "So, I just wanted to say, thank you for making my life wonderful these past years. Truly, it was an honour. Goodbye, my friends. Don't forget me." and the box went blank for the last time.

As they trudged into the living room, feeling surprisingly comforted, there was a chiming sound a suddenly, Logan appeared in the middle of the rug, looking slightly harassed as he adjusted his glasses and tie. "Salutations" he said. "My name is Logan, and I am Thomas' logical side"


	5. Triggered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas: What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises?   
> Patton: It becomes daytrogen.   
> Logan: I'm going to my room...   
> Roman: Good nitrogen   
> Patton: sleep tightrogen   
> Virgil: Don't let the bed bugs bitrogen  
>  *angry scream in the distance *

Logan sighed and rubbed his eyes, reaching out to put his glasses on. He checked the time. 7:45. Patton was making dinner with the other two.

The logical trait wondered if he should get his work done now, or go and eat dinner. _ **But then you have to be social**_ , argued a little voice in his head. **_But_** _**Morality is making pizza from scratch,**_ argued his stomach. After a good five minutes, hunger won and Logan splashed some water on his face. _Alright_. He though. _Time to socially interact then run screaming back up here five minutes later._

Logan walked downstairs to find that, surprisingly, the kitchen was not on fire and that there were 4 pizzas, fresh from the oven, on the countertop. "Hey kiddo!" greeted Patton, serving the sides some pizza. 30 seconds later, Thomas showed up. "Hey guys, what happens to nitrogen when the sun rises?" he asked. Before the Logan could answer, Patton cut across him. "It becomes daytrogen." Thomas and the others cracked up. Logan sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

 _I am not going to deal with any more of this stupidity_. Cramming the last of his pizza in his mouth, he stood up. "I'm going to my room." he said. It was a mistake.

"Good nitrogen!" called Roman

"Sleep tightrogen!" yelled Patton.

"Don't let the bed bugs bitrogen!" added Virgil.

You could hear angry screams coming from Logan's room all throughout the mind palace. 

 

Princey checked his phone, "Wow guys! new record! only 2 minutes and 30 seconds!"


	6. Patronuses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So in this short little thing, Hogwarts Au and they're learning how to conjure a patronus charm.

Roman shuts his eyes and trie to think of the happiest thoughts. Singing in the frog choir. The crackle of spells as they hit their target. Laughing with Patton. Ruining quiet study times and annoying Logan. Spending time with Virgil. A patronus to Roman is art, singing, dancing, performing, a patronus is being with his friends "Expecto Partronum" and all at once a dog leaps from his wand and galavants around the room. Brave, loyal and a tad pompous. Dogs have been recognized as fearless defenders, man's best friend. Roman grins and watches in delight as the dog goes to situate itself on Virgil's head.

Logan steps up, next in line. He closes his eyes and thinks of all the positive things in his life. His friends, his family. The sound of a books pages. The smell that hits him when he visits the library. The feel of a new quill. The smoothness of ink as he takes notes. A patronus to Logan is the breaks he takes from his excessive studying, the flavor of his favorite sugar quill. A wave of his wand and a dolphin swims and dips about the room, chasing Roman's dog. Dolphins are know for being notoriously smart, intelligent, and quick witted. Logan smiles, folding his arms and pushing his glasses up his nose.

Patton grins and practically bounces up to the starting spot. Memories flash through his mind. The day he got his acceptance letter, the moment he got sorted into Hufflepuff, the time he and Logan found the kitchen. A patronus to Patton is making his friends happy, baking cookies, the time he gets to spend with all the special people in his life. "Expecto Patronum" he whispers and an otter climbs through the air, going to investigate the other two. Otters are fun and caring as they help their families find food and play. The otter, seemingly unamused by the dog's antics, curls around Patton's shoulders.

Virgil sighs and hunches in on himself as he steps up to cast the spell, his fight or flight reflexes kicking in. He's about to make a break for it until he catches his friends smiling encouragingly at him from the other side of the room. That's enough and he closes his eyes can blocks out the classroom. There weren't many positive points in his life. Sifting through his memories, he tried to recall the best ones. The day he met his friends on the train. The hiss of a completed potion. The warmth and osense of belonging he felt when his wand chose him. A patronus to Virgil is a rainstorm at night, a cool breeze on his face, watching the hipppgriffs fly and wondering what it's like to be free. He mumbles that spell and to his surprise, a sleek cat climbs out of his wand. The cat bounds about the room, goes to check the other 3 and settles down on his shoulder. And for the first time in a year, Virgil laughed.


	7. Stage Pretense (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> High school AU where Patton, Logan, Roman, Virgil and Thomas are trying out for the drama club. Part two is Roman and Virgil's tryout. Btw, the animatic and audio is not mine, OkRichard sang the piece, and mushie r. drew the animatic. ITS AWESOME GO GIVE THEM BOTH SOME LOVE

"Alright! First up! Logan, Patton, and Thomas?" called the drama instructor, Joan. The people gathered clapped. Logan sighed. "How did you talk me into this?"  he hissed at Patton who was tapping on the keyboard, trying to find the music. "I don't know but this is gonna be awesome!" As the three of them took the stage and the music started,  Logan blocked out the audience and began.

 _Italics-_ Logan/Michael                                                                                                                                                          **Bold-** Patton/Jeremy                                                                                                                                                            Underlined- Thomas/Squip                                                                                                                                              _Italics and underline_ \- Logan and Thomas                                                                                                                   

Logan folded his hands behind his back and slunk towards Patton

_So... Do you wanna ride?_

The crowed gasped and clapped. His friends, Roman and Virgil's jaw dropped at the smoothness of the riff. Patton blushed and stammered.

**M-Michael? What's gotten into you?**

_What? Is it weird for a guy to wanna go to Pinkberry with his best friend?_ Logan smirked.

**Well, N-no but-**

_So, I'll ask you again... um. Do you wanna ride? Do you wanna ride Do you wanna ride, wanna go far?_ Each phrase brought him a step closer to his friend.

Jeremy, it is IMPERATIVE that you decline 

_Do you wanna get? Do you wanna get? Do you wanna get inside my mother's car?_

TELL HIM NO!!

Logan took of his headphones and put them around Patton's neck, walking slowly to the other side of the stage.

_Drive it on home, don't you say no, Jerry can you be coerced? Home in a snatch only one catch we gotta stop for frozen yogurt first!_

_Do you wanna ride_ (You don't wanna ride) _Do you wanna ride_ (You don't wanna ride) _Do you wanna ride_ (You don't wanna ride) _wanna go far?_  
  


Logan grinned and took off his jacket, tying it around his waist.

 _Do you wanna get_ (You don't wanna get) _Do you wanna get_ (You don't wanna get) _Do you wanna get_ (You don't wanna get) _inside my mother's car?_   Logan "whispered" the last part into Patton's ear, making him shiver

Jeremy...

_Drive it on home, don't you_ _ say no, Jerry can you be coerced?  _

_Home in a snatch_ (JEREMY DON'T) _ONLY ONE CATCH WE GOTTA STOP FOR FROZEN YOGURT FIRST!_

Logan took a breath and prepared himself.

_Piiiiiiiiiiinnkkbeeerrrry...._

"Wow" muttered Roman to Virgil. "Didn't know that nerd had it in him." Virgil grinned. "Yeah! He's awesome!"

Patton giggled.

 **Ok. Let's go!** he said taking Logan's hand. Logan grinned and punched the air.

_Awesome!_

Jeremy... Thomas groaned, rubbing his eyes,

The hall exploded in cheers and laughter.

"Yes. Well done you three!" said Joan. Looking at his clipboard, he squinted and read the names.

"Virgil and Roman?" he asked.


	8. Stage Pretense (Part 2)

Virgil and Roman took the stage, Virgil's anxiety spiking. Roman smiled and squeezed his hand. "It'll be alright! You can do this Virgil" He took a deep breath as the music began.

 **Bold** \- Virgil/J.D                                                                                                                     _Italics_ -Roman/Veronica

Virgil grabbed his slushy cup and spun to the middle of the stage.

**I've been through ten high schools, they start to get blurry, no point planting roots cause you're gone in a hurry, my dad keeps two suitcases packed in the den so it's only a matter of when...**

**I don't learn the names, don't bother with faces, all I can trust is this concrete oasis, seems every time I'm about to despair there's a 711 right there!**

Virgil took out a few postcards from his pocket and showed them to Roman.

**Each store is the same, from Las Vegas to Boston, linoleum aisles that I love to get lost in,**

**I pray at my alter of slush, yeah I live for that sweet frozen rush..**

Virgil took a long slurp from the cup and shut his eyes, imagining the cold working it's way through his system, freezing his emotions.

**Freeze your brain... Suck on that straw get lost in the pain, happiness comes, when everything numbs, who needs cocaine?**

A few laughs from the hall. "If only they knew" thought Virgil as he kept singing.

**Freeze your brain...Freeze your brain.**

**Care for a hit?**

_Does your mommy know you eat all that crap?_ asked Roman in mock admonishment.

**Not anymore!**

**When mom was alive** _(Insert_ _oh shit_ _Princey face here)_ **we lived halfway normal, now it's just me and my dad, we're less formal, I learned to cook pasta, I learned to pay rent, learned the world doesn't owe you a cennnt.**

**You're planning your future, Veronica Sawyer, you'll go to some collage and marry a lawyer...**

Virgil spat the words out as if they were poison in his mouth while Roman strutted about the stage.

 **But** **the sky's gonna hurt when it falls, so you'd better start building some waaaallls!**

Roman froze, saddened.

**Freeze your brain... swim in the ice, get lost in the pain, shut your eyes tight till you vanish from sight, let nothing remain...**

Virgil put every ounce of his frustration, passion, and anxiety into the last verse, pacing the stage furiously.

 **FREEZE** **YOUR BRAIN.. SHATTER** **YOUR SKULL FIGHT PAIN WITH** **MORE PAIN, FORGET WHO YOU ARE, UNBURDEN** **YOUR LOAD, FORGET IN SIX WEEKS YOU'LL BE BACK ON THE ROAD...**

**WHEN THE VOICE IN YOUR HEAD SAYS "YOU'RE BETTER OFF DEAD" DON'T OPEN A VEIN!**

He ended with his voice almost a sob, head bowed, turned away from Roman who's mouth was open in shock.

**Just freeze your brain...**

As he sang, he straightened up, head rising, shoulders squared.

**Freeze your brain...**

**Go on and freeze your brain..**.

He turned and finally faced Roman, eyes glittering with tears and malice.

**Try it.**   
  
  


The crowd burst into stunned cheers and applause and all of a sudden, the anger and tears drained from Virgil's face as his smoothed his coat. Roman tackled him into a hug. "I didn't you you could sing like that! Or act so well!" he cried. Vigil patted his back, chuckling. "Oh my poor sweet prince, so many things to learn about me, so little time" he dramatically put a hand to his forehead and pretended to swoon.

"Allright! Thanks to everyone who tried out, the results will be on the corkboard by Friday afternoon!" announced Joan.

Friday afternoon...

Logan, Thomas, Patton, Roman and Virgil all shoved their way to the notice board, each one holding their breath as they scanned the list of names. "Yes!!!!" they all shrieked at the same time. As they were celebrating their victory, popular jock and head of the football team Terrence walked around the corner with his buddies.

"GAAAAAY!"

"I hate this school..."


	9. Left Brain / Right Brain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm using Roman for the right brain coz, lets face it, Patton is waaaay too pure for this. So it's gonna be Logan and Roman performing. Virgil is the announcer and Patton's making perfectly innocent comments that make Thomas and Virgil fall over.

Why are we doing this again?" asked Logan as he adjusted his glasses. Roman laughed. "I like this song so we're doing it." "What about Patton though?" Roman coughed. "Well, he's too pure to understand this...right?" Logan blushed and fidgeted. "NO WAY! YOU AND HIM?!" "You and VIRGIL?" Shot back the logical trait. Roman extended his hand. "Never speak of this again?" Logan grinned. "Agreed"

 _Italics_ -Left Brain/Logan

 **Bold** -Right Brain/ Roman

Underline-Virgil/ Narrator Lady (?)

Isolation Complete

This is Thomas's left brain. Objective? Logical. Cold, analytical, aware of patterns, aware of trends. He's efficient... and a prick.

(Insert offended Logic noises)

This is Thomas's right brain. Subjective, creative, sensory, aware of feelings, aware of people. He's emotional... and an idiot. 

**That's your opinion! Just, careful with opinions.**

Okay boys...play nice

Logan cleared his throat and sat down at a desk that somehow appeared on the stage.

 _I_ _am the left brain, I am the left brain, I work really hard till my inevitable death-brain._

Logan smiled to himself, realizing how much this line applied to him. In the audience, Virgil was thinking the same way about himself.

_You got a job to do, you better do it right... and the right way, is with the left brain's might._

Roman practically launched himself across the stage.

**I like Oreos and *cough* cookies! *voice crack* YES! In that order! And I cry for at least an hour after watching Toy Story 3. WHAAAY! I am the right braain.**

Patton clapped and laughed. Virgil and Thomas clapped and laughed but for a different reason.

**I have feelings! I'm a little all over the place but I'm lustful, trustful and looking for somebody to love, OR SOMEONE TO-**

"WATCH NETFLIX WITH!!" shrieked Virgil from the audience, covering Patton's ears.

_Here comes a (fe)male, Here comes a (fe)male, puff your chest out, take your phone and check your email. Our evolutionary purpose is to repopulate, so gather data now and see if he's a possible mate._

Roman ran to the middle of the stage.

**HoLeE FuCk hE mIgHt bE tHe oNeEe!**

"Language!" shouted Patton from the back. "Sorry dad.."

**There's something about her...I just can't describe it...**

_TITS_ (Idk the opposite of those)

Virgil actually fell over.

**I am the earth he is the glorious suuun! I want him to trust me, I just want him to- how do I say this? Sit-**

"AND WATCH VINES WITH ME!" yelled Thomas from his seat, covering Patton's ears for the second time.

Logan sighed and rubbed his eyes.

_Alright now right brain, you're being insane,_

**No left brain! I'm just being alive, you should try it... You might like it?**

Oof, that stung a little.

_I worked hard to give him everything he cared about. YOU were worried bout the things that he was scared about. I'm calm and collected when you act wild, I am the adult, you are the child._

Patton grinned. Roman went scarlet in anger and started advancing.

**You think you're the right one every time! You think you know everything, but you don't know anything at all! Half of his problems were supposed to be mine! But you wanted everything! I hope that you're happy. Cause he's sure not.**

Roman jabbed a finger at Thomas, who was sitting, shocked at the amount of emotion put into the song.

Logan adjusted his glasses and took a notepad from his pocket.

_According to my calculations, let me run the numbers again, You're a pussy._

**Name calling? Really? You're just gonna do name calling?**

_I'm not calling names, I'm stating facts. The fact is, you're a quivering pussy._

Roman scoffed.

**I'm the pussy? At least I don't play with toys still!**

**"** Oh! That's why the pussy was quivering! It played with too many toys!" Said Patton brightly. Virgil and Thomas choked on air and it was quite a while before they could speak again. "W-w-w-what do you mean Patton?" Coughed out Virgil. "Ya know! Cats! When they play with too many toys, they get tired and start shivering. So weird!" Thomas breathed a sigh of relief. "Yes. Of course that's what they meant Patton"

Logan tossed a Rubix cube at Princey.

_Rubix cubes aren't toys! They keep my spacial reasoning skills sharp!_

**Ooh! Look at you! Left Brain still plays with toys! Johnny Mc -uh- Toy Player!**

_Yeah? Well at least I did my fucking job!_

Logan took a breather and launched into his performance.

_I kept him working, I kept him productive. You were supposed to look after him. You were supposed to keep him emotionally stable through all this. Now you're trying to blame me for how he's feeling, how he's feeling! If he's feeling unhappy it's because you failed him. You did this to him, he hates you. I know he does. He fucking hates you!_

The spectators eyes widened in shock. Thomas wondered if he was really 100% acting.

A few tears splashed from Roman's eyes as he buried his face in the crook of his arm and turned away, sobbing quietly.

Logan sighed, rubbing his eyes again.

_Look, right brain, I'm sorry, alright?_

Princey turned back to face him, looking for all the world like a kicked puppy.

**No you're not....**

_Look, maybe there's something we could do together?_

**Together?**

_Take the best parts of both of us, put them together..._

**I'm listening.**

_It would let you let your feelings out, it would let me analyze. So you could man the themes; I'll man the form. It's something that George Carlin did, It's something that Steve Martin did. It's something special that we could both perform. Do you know what it is?_

Roman grinned and started tossing the Rubic's cube back and forth.

**JUGGLING! WE COULD JUGGLE AND JUGGLE OUR CARES AWAY!!**

Virgil snickered and instantly covered his mouth. Patton and Thomas cracked up laughing.

Logan sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose for the third time.

_It was... It was comedy. We could do comedy together._

Initiate reassembly. 

_All right, Right Brain, we're gonna do comedy together, we gotta do comedy together._

**All right, Left Brain, I'll do comedy with you.**

_Look, we can fix him like this—we can make him happy again. I promise, all right?_

5, 4, 3.

**Left Brain... Left Brain, I love you.**

2.

_I know_

1, Experimentation complete.

The lights flickered back to normal and Roman and Logan bowed. Patton was yelling something about how proud he was of his two sons (Roman and Virgil). Thomas chuckled and left the mind palace.

"You guys did great!! You too Virgil!" he shrieked. Virgil smiled. "Thanks dad!" As Roman walked backstage with Logan he whispered. "But, of course, it's _daddy_ to you isn't it?"

**-5 minutes later-**

There was a knock at Patton's door. "Come in!" he called. Roman barged into the room with a bloody nose and a black eye. Patton gasped. "Oh dear! What happened to you?!" he cried, already heading into the bathroom for a towel. "Um... I tripped" 


	10. I'm FINE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some fluff for you all ✌🏼  
> Lol this ain't rly a lemon,'it's sorta implied at the end, blink and you'll miss.  
> Analogical btw  
> Can you tell I ship it to no end?

Logan sighed and rubbed his eyes. He'd been working for hours now and his body screamed at him to go to sleep. His mind however, would not let him rest so he picked up his pen and continued writing up a schedule for Thomas. "Hey Logan?" A voice called through the doorway. Virgil. Logan's stomach did a little flutter, which confused him but he waved it aside. "Yes?" He replied, his voice cracking. "Are you alright?" Asked Anxiety. Logan combed his fingers through his hair. "Fine! Never better" he said, sitting back down. The anxious trait snorted. "I highly doubt that, it's 5:30 in the morning on SATURDAY And you haven't left your room since Friday morning. You better not be overworking yourself." In spite of himself, Logic chuckled and tapped his pen against his lamp. "Wouldn't dream of it." "Mmhm, can I come in?" Without waiting for a reply, Virgil barged into the room. "Jeezus there's something called knocking" muttered Logan. Virgil shrugged and sat down on the bed, smirking. Logan felt himself blushing. What the? "A-anyway" he coughed. "What can I do for you?" Virgil looked anxious and patted the spot on the bed next to him. "Logan, I'm worried about you, you hardly leave your room, if you do, it's only for a cup of coffee, what's going on?" Logic passed a hand over his eyes. "Nothing's wrong Anxiety" The younger side raised an eyebrow. "Ok. I will admit that there is something wrong but I can't tell you." He said, looking away. Virgil put a hand on his shoulder, causing the logical trait to get goosebumps. "Tell me. I might be able to help." Logan sighed and turned back around. "It's just, if I don't get everything done in time, then I won't have any time to spend helping everyone else. Thomas needs to get his work done, Patton wants me to spend more time with all of you, Princey wants me to have emotions, you know, find my one true love. I'm trying to give everyone what they want but.. it's just.. too much." He confessed, a single tear rolling down his cheek. "Logan, it's not your job to make everyone happy" said Virgil gently, "you're Logic, you're the stable rock, you're the one who tells Prince no, and he actually listens, you're the one who even dad can't really get to with his puppy eyes." Logan chucked softly. "Thanks Anx, it's just, I think prince might be right, about finding someone to love, I feel so empty sometimes, but I tell myself 'no, Logan, you don't have time, you don't deserve anyone'" he clapped a hand over his mouth. "Apologies, I didn't mean to trouble you" Virgil looked shocked at the outburst of emotion. "Logan, close your eyes for a minute." The logical side was confused but complied. He heard Virgil take a deep breath and suddenly, there was a tug on his tie and Virgil was kissing him. Logan didn't waste any time and wrapped his arms around the anxious trait, pulling him closer. Anxiety made a little noise of surprise but didn't pull away. Smirking, Logan bit down a little on Virgil's bottom lip, making him groan softly. You dirty minded fucks no I'm not writing smut you'll see. Virgil blushed and curled a hand into Logan's hair, pulling him down onto the bed. "Hey Microsoft Nerd I'm bor-OH FUCK" yelled Roman as he opened the door. Logan sat up and grinned sheepishly. "Whoops" he muttered. They heard Patton coming up the stairs. "Frick" Virgil murmured as Patton entered the room. "OMIGOSH LOGAN!!" He squealed. Logan smoothed out his hair. "Yes?" "Aww I knew you would find somebody" Virgil sighed and tugged Logan down again. "Would you kindly fuck off, the pair of you? I have some business to attend to."


	11. Memes, Depression and Anxiety

"C'mon Virgil! Feel the meme" yelled Princey from across the living room. Virgil groaned and sunk deeper into his chair, he was not in the mood for any more of Roman's bullshit.

"What the fuck Princey?!" he yelled back

"Language!"

"FUCK THAT DAD"

"BOTH OF YOU JEEZUS CHIRST" shrieked Logan, shutting everyone up. Stomping into the living room, he adjusted his tie and pushed his glasses further up his nose. "I have to agree with Virgil, what in the actual fuck are you trying to accomplish?" he asked. 

"I'm trying to get him to sing All Star" pouted the creative trait. 

"I don't want to sing you little shit" 

"PLLLEEEAASSE?"

"No, fuck off" replied Virgil, flicking the bird in Roman's direction. 

"Just one thing, anything at all? PLEASE? I'll never ask again?" 

Anxiety huffed and without taking his eyes off of his phone,"My memes are ironic, my depression is chronic" he muttered, shrinking into his hoodie. 

Without missing a beat Logan propped his book open and replied,"Like all humans, I am 70% water. The other 30% of me wants to die" The other 3 traits looked at Logan in shock before collapsing into fits of laughter. 

Virgil raised an eyebrow in Logan's direction. "You may be cooler than me, but do you have....crippling anxiety?" 

"Q: What's the best thing about depression? A: You always have your funeral planned in advance" 

"How do you stress out Logic? I'll tell you tommorrow" Roman's eyes bounced between the two like he was watching a ping pong match. The two "left brain" traits locked eyes. Oh, it's on. 

"Stress is when you wake up screaming and realise you haven't fallen asleep yet." Started Logan.

"What's an advantage to depression? You never have to make your bed cause you're always in it" quipped back Virgil.

"PEMDAS stands for Please End My Depression And Suffering"

"My soul is a rasin because it's dried up and shriveled"

"I'm like a shitty book cover because people think they have the right to judge and label me before reading my pages" muttered the Logical trait.

"My neck, my back, my crippling anxiety attacks" 

Logan closed his book. "You know what I want?"

"The sweet release of death?"

"I was going to say a cup of coffee but that works too" he replied. There was absolute silence before  
"AHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAH OH MY GOD YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN AT THIS FOR 2 MINUTES STRAIGHT (gay)"

"FUCK OFF PRINCEY" yelled Logic and Anxiety at the same time.


	12. Hollaback Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This happened to me on a plane

Logan walked into the living room with a pair of AirPods and a notebook. "Nerd! Whatcha doing?" Yelled Prince from the kitchen. "Making a schedule for Thomas, Royal pain in the ass-" Logan heard Patton come down the stairs. "-set! Asset. That's what I meant" he coughed. "Hey Lo!" Called the fatherly trait. "Greetings Morality, has anyone seen Virgil?" He asked. "You called?" Asked an oily voice. "Ah Deciet! Bugger off, where's Anxiety?" Virgil practically flew down the stairs. "I'm here, queer, and filled with extistential fear, what's up?" He asked. Roman gave him a look. "How long have you been waiting to use that?" Virgil grinned. "Three weeks" Patton grinned as he flipped a pancake. "Breakfast!" He called. There was silence at the table as they ate and Logic decided to put in his AirPods. Cranking up the volume, he picked a song and pressed play. Unfortunately for him, he forgot to connect them to his phone first and his phone starts blaring Hollaback Girl. Like, absolute silence and then "UH HUH THIS MY SHIT. ALL THE GIRLS DROP THE BEAT LIKE THIS. FEW TIMES I BEEN AROUND THAT TRACK SO ITS NOT JUST GONNA HAPPEN LIKE THAT CUZ I AINT NO HOLLABACK GURLL"    
"Shit shit shit shit" muttered the Logical trait, frantically jamming the volume button. The universe was NOT on his side that day and only made it louder. "I HEARD YOU WERE TALKING SHIT AND DIDN'T THINK THAT I WOULD HEAR IT" By now, all the sides were staring at him and Logan was looking very red and extremely harassed as he paused the song. "Ahem" he coughed. That seemed to the be cue for the others to start laughing their asses off. Virgil whipped out his phone and handed it to Patton. "So Logan" He sputtered in between fits of laughter. "What do you have to say to the world." The logical trait looked directly at the camera in Patton's hands and said, "Eat my ass" What he was NOT expecting was for the other side to reply, without missing a beat, "Jeez! Not right now, especially in front of the kids" Roman snorted milk out of his nose. Thomas arrived 5 minutes later to ask why he couldn't get any sleep and found all four of them collapsing in hysterics on the couch. "Why do I even try any more?" He groaned, not bothering to get his emotions under control. As he left, he heard something that suspiciously sounded like "THATS RIGHT PUTCHA POM POMS DOWN GETTIN ERRBODY FOUGHT UP" *cue more hysterical laughter*


	13. Q and A

Since I’ve been getting so many nice and amazing comments on here (THANK YOU SO MUCH GUYS MY HEART)

Do you want a Q&A chapter?

We Can do this two ways

1\. You guys ask questions and I’ll answer them 

OR

2\. you guys ask questions and I’ll write the Sanders sides answering them (I might include deciet too)

OR I CAN DO BOTH

Dont be shy! Comment what you think down below!! Thanks so much again for all your amazing support! 🥰🥰🥰🥰

LOVE YOUUU


	14. Sanders Sides Q and A

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ladies and gents this is the moment you've waited for...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTE: NONE OF THIS IS CANON, THIS IS JUST HOW I INTERPERATE IT AND HOW I WOULD WANT THEM TO ANSWER. IF YOU DON'T AGREE THAN LEAVE YOUR OPINIONS IN THE COMMENTS BUT PLZ BE NICE BECAUSE EACH TO HIS OWN  
> On top of that,  
> thank you all for your support  
> this wouldn't be possible without you

**Virgil:** what the hell?

 **Roman:** Uhm what?

 **Logan:** This is very disconcerting

 **Patton:** woah I'm talking in print

 **The bitchass author:** WELCOME SANDERS SIDES 

 **Virgil:** uh hello? 

 **The bitchass author:** Your fans have questions for you and you're gonna answer them ok? ok!

 **Logan:** Hold up, where are we? Where's Thomas?

 **Roman:** LISTEN HERE MR AUTHOR PERSON YOU DO NOT SCARE ME

 **Logan:** Princey calm down jesus christ

 **The bitchass author:** You guys ready?

 **Virgil:** I guess... whatever. I just wanna sleep

 **The bitchass author:** I'll put you back when you're done

 **Patton:** Oooh this might be fun! C'mon kiddos let's give it a shot

 **The bitchass author:** Great! This question comes from @Tattletail!That'sMe!

**\- Patton, how many onesies do you own?-**

**Patton:** That's a very good question-

 **Logan:** Which I will answer. Far too many

 **Patton:** Oh yeah? What about you Lo? Don't think we forgot about your unicorn onesie

 **Logan:** shut it-

 **Roman:** WHAAAAAA

 **Virgil:** Do you mean to tell me that I missed Logic wearing a unicorn onesie?!

 **Virgil:** GODDAMMIIT

 **Patton:** Language!

 **Virgil:** I SAY WHAT I WANT

 **Logan:** oh thank god they're on a different subject

 **Patton:** I've got three cat onesies, a unicorn, 2 lions, 5 narwhals and some type of fuzzy pink thing

 **Logan:** jeez I knew you had a lot but I didn't know you'd have that many

 **Patton:** ;)

 **Virgil:** ...

 **Virgil:** Not even gonna ask how you made that noise

 **The bitchass author:** Next one is also from @Tattletail!That'sMe!

**-Virgil, you never answered which one of the sides you would kiss if you had to. Who would it be?-**

**Virgil:** WHY CAN'T I SINK DOWN

 **Roman:** Haha! pleeb

 **Patton:** C'mon Virge, just answer the question! It's only a bit of fun

 **Virgil:** Ummm… I guess either Logan or Princey

 **Virgil:** Not Patton cause he's my dad and that's just weird

 **Roman:** WHY THE NERD TOO?!

 **Virgil:** Cause he's not you

 **Logan:** pfft

 **Roman:** But you do admit that you WOULD kiss me?

 **Virgil:** I-If it was a life or death situation, yes 

 **Roman:** rude

 **The bitchass author:** well that was interesting. This one is from @GlitterAndGold

**-Prince dude, why are you always such a jerk to Virgil?-**

**Logan:** Oh this will be very interesting 

 **Roman:** I'm not!

 **Patton:** Let's rephrase it then. Why WERE you always such a jerk to Virgil?

 **Roman:** Do have I have to answer it?

 **Virgil:** I had to answer the last one. Go on little bitch

 **Patton:** Langu- you know what, never mind

 **Roman:** I guess it's because, well, because... because I was jealous

 **Roman:** I don't know, it's just- before Virge came along, I was the most popular

 **Logan:** debateable but sure

 **Roman:** and then suddenly I wasn't. I never really hated you Virge, just... jealous 

 **Virgil:** I had no idea

 **Roman:** I didn't tell you 

**(BONDING MOMENT BONDING MOMENT BONDING MOMENT) (I cradled you in my arms!) (pls get that reference anyone)**

**Patton:** Aww! It's nice to see you getting along

 **Roman:** What ew no

 **Virgil:** Aggravating as always

 **The bitchass author:** This one is also from GlitterAndGold

**-Why does Deceit hate you guys so much?-**

**Logan:** Don't look at me

 **Deceit:** Your worst nightmare has returned!

 **Virgil:** gross

 **Roman:** oh boy... Hey Deceit there's a question for ya

 **Deceit:** huh?

 **Roman:** We were dragged here and we're doing a Q and A thing. Answer the question

 **Deceit:** That is definitely not an interesting question

 **Deceit:** I totally don't hate your guts because all you do is sit around argue all day. And obviously because you're not a bunch of buffoons

 **Roman:** then what's the reason?

 **Logan:** ...

 **Patton:** Now come on Deceit, we all know that's not ALL we do... is it?

 **Logan:** We do spend about 65% percent of our time solving conflict. Usually via argument

 **Deceit:** EXACTLY. YOU NEVER DO ANYTHING ELSE. On top of that, you all look so handsome and have great personalities

 **Virgil:** We all have the same face

 **Roman:** *at the same time* Thank you!

 **Virgil:** right-you ok-jesus fucking christ

 **Logan:** But that's how we get things done. We have an argument to SOLVE an issue. I might agree with you if we only made the conflict worse, but we do get somewhere with it, and that's why Thomas continues to make good choices

 **Patton:** Logan is right! Don't listen to him guys, I think you all look great anyway

 **Virgil:** Again,dad, we have the same face

 **Patton:** ...

 **Roman:** ...

 **Logan:.** ...

 **Deceit:** …

 **Patton:** did you just-

 **Virgil:** MOVING ON

 **The bitchass author:** That was VERY entertaining. Next up is one from @FnafFreak

**\- Why does Virgil hate Deceit so much?-**

**Deceit:** You gonna tell them?

 **Virgil:** no

 **Deceit:** If you don't, I will

 **Virgil:** FINE

 **Virgil:** but the snake has to go

 **The bitchass author:** No problem

 **Patton:** Virge?

 **Roman:** No pressure Hot Topic, this seems kinda hard for you

 **Virgil:** It's fine, I had to tell you at some point

 **Virgil:** When I was "younger" I guess, me and Deceit dated for a while. I thought I could trust him, despite being literally a ball of anxiety, but he was good at lying and I was young. Things were fine for a while but he got mean and possessive. He hit me sometimes and eventually we broke things off but I was really scared for a long time.

 **Patton:** Son...

 **Logan:** You didn't deserve what he put you through. I'm sorry Virgil

 **Roman:** WHERE IS THAT GREASY LITTLE SONUVABITCH I WILL MURDER HIM IN HIS SLEEP

 **Virgil:** A-Are you crying?

 **Roman:** NO MY EYES ARE LEAKING

 **Patton:** Don't worry, he'll never come near you again

 **Logan:** Not if we can help it

 **Virgil:** thanks guys

 **The bitchass author:** wow... *ahem* Next one is from @DoctorMeat

**\- Why was Virgil the last one to appear even though he's one of the most prominent sides?-**

**Roman:** HASN'T THE BEAN BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH BADGERING?!

 **The bitchass author:** That was the last one for him don't worry

 **Virgil:** Prince it's fine

 **Virgil:** ...and did you just call me a bean?

 **Roman:** details details

 **Virgil:** okaaay?

 **Virgil:** anyway, I guess I was late because I was afraid, mainly because of that whole thing with Deceit-

 **Logan:** fuckin bitch

 **Virgil:** thank you Logic. And partly because Thomas didn't really want to draw attention to me because I might have a negative impact on the audience

 **Roman:** WHAT?! THAT IS UNJUST!!

 **Logan:** To be fair, were ANY of us really happy to have Virgil around before we knew him?

 **Patton:** Oh gosh now that I think about it...

 **Logan:** None of us really knew who he was, other than he was Thomas' anxiety and in our eyes, that was a negative thing. So we filled in the gaps and therefore assumed he was a bad person. 

 **Patton:** But he's not!

 **Logan:** I never said he was, I'm just looking at the facts. Once we got to know him, however, we found that really, he's just as important as the rest of us. And should be treated the same.

 **Virgil:** ACK PRINCEY STAPH HUGGIN' ME CAN'T BREATHE-

 **Roman:** I'm so sorry Virgil, it was unacceptable to me to treat you that way without even talking to you first

 **Virgil:** It's no big deal

 **Patton:** but it _IS_ a big deal! we had no right to assume anything! So let me make it clear again, that we love you and won't ever let anything happen ever again

 **Logan:** Seconded

 **The bitchass author:** *sobbing grossly* Ok, that's all from the others! Here's one from me

**\- Logan! Are you and Patton a thing?-**

**Logan:** uh

 **Patton:** Are we a thing?!

 **Logan:** uhh

 **Patton:** hmmm let's see here

 **Logan:** uhhh

 **Patton:** trying to remember...

 **Logan:** uhhhh

 **Virgil:** Going a bit red there, Logan

 **Logan:** YES OK FINE WE ARE A THING HAPPY?!

 **Roman:** AHA I KNEW IT!

 **Virgil:** really?

 **Roman:** I mean I had a hunch...?

 **Patton:** Took you long enough Lo

 **Logan:** Whatever

 **Virgil:** for how long?

 **Logan:** Well you're not gonna like the answer

 **Virgil:** Spill

 **Logan:** After that video The Mind vs The Heart

 **Virgil:** ...

 **Virgil:** FOR THAT LONG AND YOU DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING?!

 **Roman:** I AM SO DISSAPOINTED IN YOU BOTH

 **Patton:** But not really right?

 **Virgil:** I- no not really

 **Roman:** Virge, it's like we have a mom and dad now!

 **Logan:** Wha- why am I the mom?!

 **Patton:** Do you really want us to elaborate?

 **Logan:** Fair enough

 **The bitchass author:** Well this has been an interesting day, I'll be sending you back now

 **Virgil:** UGHHHH FINALLY HOME SWEET MIND PALACE

 **Roman:** Farewell author!

 **Logan:** Goodbye, I hope we don't meet again. No offense of course

 **Patton:** Byee! Give a big thanks to the fans will ya?

 **The bitchass author:** No problem Patton! Bye guys!!

**(AN: And there we go! You heard what Patton said, hugs and uwus)**


	15. Sanders Sides Q and A Pt.2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since so many of you liked part one for some reason  
> I got more questions from all you fabulous people and made a part two yay!  
> Those who requested a chapter,  
> they may take a while because I'm tired and school hurts  
> I'll try to get them out as soon as possible tho

**Virgil:** AGAIN?!

 **Logan:** I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING!!

 **Virgil:** PFFFT AHAHA WE CAN SEE THAT

 **Patton:** Lo! I didn't know you'd be wearing your unicorn onesie

 **Roman:** Oh this just made my daaay

 **Logan:** My shame is complete

 **Virgil:** Seriously what were you doing?

 **Logan:** Reading

 **Virgil:** In a unicorn onesie?

 **Logan:** Yes

 **Patton:** Can you change out of it?

 **Logan:** Apparently not

 **Roman:** AHAHAHAHAH MICROSOFT NERD

 **Logan:** I will end you

 **The same bitchass author:** Why hello there

 **Virgil:** Hey bitch

 **Patton:** Don't be rude!

 **The same bitchass author:** No that is in fact my name

 **Patton:** Oh

 **The same bitchass author:** Right, on with the questions! The first one comes from @Valkyrie789

-Why so arrogant Roman?-

 **Roman:** Ah! I am NOT! Just because I'm better than the other three doesn't mean-

 **Roman:** sweet Cole Sprouse I am arrogant

 **Logan:** And why is that?

 **Roman:** I don't know-

 **Logan:** Falsehood. Think about it, really think about it. You know why

 **Virgil:** He does?

 **Roman:** *at the same time* I do?

 **Logan:** oh my sweet baby jesus- OF COURSE YOU DO! You are Thomas' creativity as well as a few other things. You also make up a part of his Ego.

 **Patton:** But Thomas isn't an arrogant person

 **Logan:** I'm getting to that. The reason Thomas isn't an arrogant person is because Princey is only a PART of his Ego. While Roman may be an arrogant clod at times, he's shown compassion before and I think we forget that sometimes

 **Roman:** Thank you Logic, I didn't know you were capable of giving compliments

 **Logan:** Why do I even bother to defend you?

 **The same bitchass author:** Righty then, next question is from @GlitterAndGold

-Logan, how do you show emotions if you are Thomas' Logic?-

 **Virgil** : Bold of you to assume he has emotions

 **Patton:** He does! He's always really nice to me and takes care of me when I'm sick. He also gives THE BEST cuddles ever its amazing

 **Logan:** I-uh- Anxiety, what on God's green earth are you doing in my lap?

 **Virgil:** Dad said you gives good cuddles. I need a cuddle

 **Logan:** Uh a-alright then. I suppose I should oblige

 **Roman:** this is so pure

 **Virgil:** Dad is so lucky holy crap 

 **Logan:** Are-are you purring?

 **Virgil:** no...

 **Roman:** Out of the way, my turn

 **Logan:** Princey, I'm warning you, do not even think about it

 **Roman:** Please mom?

 **Logan:** Why am I the- oh my goodness alright fine

 **Roman:** I'm not moving this is so comfortable omg

 **Patton:** Now now kiddos, the only person that get's to sit in his lap is Daddy

 **Virgil:** 0_o

 **Logan:** uwu

 **Virgil:** I'm taking away your vocab cards

 **The same bitchass author:** I'm deceased. ALRIGHT THEN next up is a group question from @DoctorMeat

\- What is everyone's deepest fears?-

 **Logan:** Losing control

 **Patton:** Losing control

 **Virgil:** Losing control

 **Roman:** Losing control

 **Patton:** Woah

 **Roman:** Remember when we were in Virgil's room? And we all went kinda crazy?

 **Patton:** Too well

 **Roman:** I never want to feel like that again. It's like there were voices whispering around in my head. How do you deal with it?

 **Logan:** Wait a moment, this is important. Roman, Patton, do you hear those voices when you're in your own rooms?

 **Roman:** No

 **Patton:** No?

 **Logan:** Virgil, do you hear those voices when you are in your room?

 **Virgil:** Occasionally

 **Logan:** What are they saying?

 **Virgil:** I don't know, it's never really anything I can make out. It just sounds... dark

 **Logan:** So I'm not the only one then, great. I thought I was hearing things. Sleep depravation can do a lot to your brain.

 **Patton:** Babe?

 **The same bitchass author:** that was so cute sorry please continue

 **Logan:**...You know how we talk about "The dark sides"

 **Roman:** The negative emotions?

 **Logan:** Yes. Virgil and I are both 'dark sides'. We are both 'negative emotions', a bit like Deceit

 **Deceit:** You called?

 **Virgil:** No

 **Deceit:** Dammit

 **Logan:** Anyway, our difference is that we 'changed' somewhat

 **Virgil:** Our main functions are still and will always be Anxiety and Logic, but we've learned from you guys, and that's what makes us who we are

 **Patton:** That warmed my heart c'mere you guys!

 **Roman:** GROUP HUG

 **Logan:** Are you crying again?!

 **Roman:** SHUT YOUR FUCK LOGAN

 **The same author:** Well that was something jeez. Next one is for a certain two sides from @FnafFreak

\- Are Princey and Virgil a thing?-

 **Roman:** I mean we could be

 **Virgil:** What

 **Roman:** wHaT

 **Patton:** I think you just said-

 **Roman:** NOPE I DIDN'T SAY SHIT GOODBYE

 **Virgil:** oh so YOU can duck out but not me?!

 **Patton:** quack

 **Logan:** I suppose I better go too, farewell author

 **The same bitchass author:** Oh! um bye then?

\----------

**BONUS**

\----------

"Hey Roman?" 

"GO AWAY MOM" Virgil chuckled.

"It's me" 

"WE ALL SOUND THE SAME"

"It's Virgil" 

"Fine, you can come in" The darker trait pushed the door to Roman's room open, squinting at the brightness. 

"So...did you mean it when you said we could be a thing?" The creative trait fumbled with his hands before murmuring,

"Yeah maybe..." Virgil couldn't help the grin breaking out on his face.

"Good, because MAYBE I think we could be a thing too"

 


	16. Broski

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I think this was requested by @TattleTail!That'sMe!  
> Sorry if this is shit, I tried

Roman moped all the way down to the living room. Patton noticed immediately. "What's wrong kiddo?" he asked. Virgil laughed menacingly.

"The same person beat him in Overwatch 3 times in a row" The creative trait glared.

"Oh yeah? I don't see you doing any better"

"I don't play Overwatch"

"Why don't you shut your-" Logan appeared in the living room with a book, making his way towards the couch. 

"What happened now?" he asked exasperated. 

"The same person beat Princey's ass at Overwatch 3 times in a row. It was hilarious!" Virgil snickered as he remembered the facial expressions pulled at the screen. "One of the rounds, he played as Bastion and STILL LOST AHAHA" 

The logical trait had a thoughtful expression on his face. "And what was the other person playing as?"

"It gets even better, they were a SOMBRA main!" At this, Logan's eyes widened. 

"Roman, come with me for a moment" he said, moving out of earshot of the other two traits. "What was this person's username?"

The princely side arched a perfectly manicured eyebrow. "LLS420, why?"

"Yeah, that was me"

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTT?!" Logan clamped a hand over his mouth to stop the shrieking. "You play Overwatch?"

"Yes"

"How are you so good at it?!"

"It's partly a strategy game and I type all day everyday. Helps with keyboard controls" Roman stared at him in shock and something like newfound respect. "Do you want me to teach you?"

"Oh gods yes"

* * *

 "DID YOU SEE THAT?! I BEAT THE PANTS OFF HIM!" shrieked the prince, sounding a lot like an over-excited puppy. Logan nodded primly, propping his glasses up on his face.

"Good. Now to you want to try against a real player?" Roman groaned and clicked to a match, choosing Widowmaker as a main. "Easy Meta Knight. We both know you are more suited to tanks. Try..." he trailed off clicking on Bridget. "This one. She's more suited to your style of rushing in blindly"

The creative side was too absorbed in the game to notice the insult. "How come you play as Widowmaker and Sombra then?" Logic grunted.

"I'm more of a swift and stealthy kind of guy, my style fits better with their roles" A little while later, the match ending, Roman's team winning. 

"You know, I've never actually seen you play against a group of people..." he said, shifting off to the side. His friend's eyes took on a competitive gleam.

"Oh no? Well sit back and watch because it is ON" For the next 20 minutes, the princely aspect of Thomas' personality watched with wide eyes and a slack jaw as Logan's fingers flew over the keyboard and manipulated the mouse at speeds seeming too high to be human. The round ended with the logical side getting pretty much every honor and accolade in the game. 

"Wha-wha-oh my- jesus- dear lord-what even is that-how can you huuuuuuuuuh"

"You look like Admiral Ackbar with that face"

"YOU'RE A STARWARS FAN TOO?! WHEN DID YOU GET SO COOL?!"

"My body temperature is fine thank you very much"

* * *

Patton quietly pushed the door open to Roman's room, holding a plate of cookies in one hand, and two glasses of milk in the other. "Kiddos? I made cookies" he offered quietly. When he didn't get a response, he poked his head around the door and found Logan and Roman sitting in front of his Xbox, thumbs frantically mashing keys and shifting controls as they tried to beat the next mission on Halo. 

He smiled widely to himself, glad that his sons were finally getting along and gently set down the plate of cookies by the door. He went back downstairs to the living room where he found Virgil waiting for him, holding a baseball and looking very shy.

"Uh, hey dad. I was wonderingifyouwantedtoplaycatch?" he mumbled the last part out, painfully aware of how cliché it sounded. He knew, however, Patton's love for sentimental and mushy things so he'd swallowed his pride and dug around until he could find something, anything, to do with the fatherly-like trait. 

Patton squealed happily, throwing himself at Virgil to envelop him in a hug. "Of course, son"

 

**HOOo0oo you could stuff a mattress with all the fluff in here**

**Anyway, hope you liked it!**

 

 

 

 


	17. Papercut Lies

AN: This is an AU where whenever someone lies, they get a scar on their body. The bigger the lie, the bigger the scar. 

 

Roman looked down at his hands, grunting in distaste as he thumbed over the little papercut scars over his fingers. The price he paid for his dishonesty. Medical school was difficult and you couldn't blame him. Half of them came from telling the teachers he was almost done with his work. His roommate, Logan, walked in and sat down on their busted up couch. Med school was also expensive among other things. 

"How was your day?" he threw in the other's direction, begrudgingly picking up his text book and laptop. Logan groaned and Roman laughed. "Residency that bad huh?" In answer, his friend pushed up his shirt to reveal a rather horrific scar arching from his collarbone to just under his ribs. "Jeez did you get away with a murder?"

Logan sighed, looking sadder than Roman had ever seen him. "This scar's been layering for a while" He took off his glasses and the other noticed the extremely prominent bags under his eyes. "had to do it again, one of the biggest lies you can tell"

"And that is?"  
  
"The day you have to tell it, you'll know"

* * *

My Chemical Horror

_hEy EmO tRaSh_

**What do u want**

_Less goo gett Starbiessss_

**...**

**Who tf r u and what have u done with Roman**

_Ha ha very funny Virge_

_Srsly tho lets get coffee_

 

**Why**

_Im boreed and Lo is studying again_

_He's also on call 2nite_

**Wait again?! wasn't he working the ER this morning too?**

_Residency's a bitch_

**U don't get to complain**

_AHEM I HAPPEN TO ALSO BE A MED STUDENT J.DELIGHTFUL_

 

 

**And since when do you work as hard as Logan**

_Uggghhhh finnneeeeeee c u in 10_

**k then Meta Knight**

* * *

"And I'll have a... Prince are you listening to me?" Virgil snapped his fingers in front his friend's face. 

"Huh what?" he snorted, coming out of his daze. 

"I said I'm gonna get an Americano with a shot of espresso. What do you want?" Roman fumbled around for his wallet. 

"No its fine, I'll go order" Virgil raised an eyebrow. 

"Are you sure you're not a Nestine automation?"

"What? No, I just thought the barista looked cute" he started walking towards the counter before calling over his shoulder "and don't think I missed that Doctor Who reference" He heard Virgil's quiet _dammit_ and he smiled. The barista turned towards him and gave him a million watt smile, Roman could have sworn his heart stopped for a moment. Since when were people allowed to be so cute?

"Hiya! My name's Patton, what can I get you today?" he asked, seeming to overflow with happy energy.

"I-uh-um I'll have a vanilla frappe and an Americano with an espresso shot please" he managed, quite proud of himself for not stuttering as much as he usually would. 

"Your friend a med student?" asked Patton, tapping on the screen in front of him. 

"Oh Virgil? No, he's just sleep deprived 24/7. I'm the med student actually" The barista let out a small giggle and Roman swore this man was going to be the death of him. 

"That'll be 12.75" he announced. Roman dug through his pockets and pulled out a rumpled 10 dollar bill before slapping a hand to his forehead, mortified.

"I uh, only have our ten dollar founding father, sorry" he apologized sheepishly. Patton gave him a crooked grin, adjusting his glasses.

"Oh don't worry about it, I'm a big fan of Lin Manuel too. Name for the order?" It took him a moment to process the question.

"Uh R-Roman. Roman Hillsby"

"Well then, Roman Hillsby, I believe your coffee is waiting" He stood there like an idiot for a good 30 seconds before tripping over his feet and practically snatching the drinks, dragging Virgil out the door with him.

As soon as they were far enough away from the shop, Roman launched into his theatrics. "I BLEW IT VIRGE! I FUCKING BLEW IT" Virgil, who was used to this, sipped his coffee with an unamused expression on his face. "HE WAS CUTE, HE WAS HOT, AND HE WAS SUCH A SMOOTH TALKER! ITS NOT FAIIIRRRRR" He heaved a sigh dramatic enough to make Donald Trump jealous **(and I oop-).** His friend rubbed his eyes and pointed to some writing on the outside of his cup.

"Roman"

"IM GONNA BE SINGLE FOREVER"

" _Roman_ "

"THE CRUELTY WHY OH WHY"

"ROMAN FOR FUCK SAKES TURN YOUR GODDAMN FRAPPE AROUND"

"I'LL GROW OLD BY MYSELF AND- wait what?" he broke off mid sentence and did as instructed. He didn't even bother to squash a squeal of excitement.

_Hey pretty stranger, I think you look cute_

_Call me 367-896-0832_

_-Patton_

* * *

That HAWT Barista 

_Is this Patton?_

**Oh hey Roman! I was getting worried**

_R U KIDDING?! I THOUGHT SCREWED IT UP_

**Pssh you look adorable when your face turns all red**

_> ////<_

_Howareyousogoodatflirtingwhatthefuccc_

**You wanna grab dinner sometime?**

_YES_

**Olive Garden?**

_I LOVE YOU ALREADY_

**> ////<**

**Meet me at the bus stop around 8?**

_Wait today?_

**Is that alright?**

_OFC_

_see you at 8_

* * *

Roman lay back on his bed with a smile on his face and a heart that never seemed to stop fluttering. He checked the time, 6:30. He was looking through his wardrobe when Logan burst through the door again, swaying as he walked and looking so beat down that Roman went over to him immediately. "Woah Lo, are you alright?" His friend looked up at him with tired and red eyes. He hadn't even changed out of his scrubs.

"They put me with the paramedics today. I had to do it" he whispered. "Over and over again" He pushed himself away from Roman and stumbled to the couch, closing his eyes as if he was in pain. Roman found himself pushing up the front of Logan's scrubs to check the scar and gasped. It had gotten bigger, now stopping at his right hip.  It almost looked like it was splitting him in half diagonally.

"Holy fuck, are you going to be ok?" His friend shrugged, wincing. 

"I'll be fine" Logan was a very honest person. He had no scars whatsoever except for the one across his chest and yet, as he said it, Roman watched a little white line stretch from the base of his thumb to his wrist.

\-------Time Skip OWO--------

Roman started at the feeling of someone tapping his shoulder. "Hey Roman? Are you alright?" Oh, Patton. He shook his head to clear it.

"Yeah, just, I'm worried about my friend, that's all" He was grateful that Patton didn't push it and instead poured him another glass of wine. "What did I do to deserve you?" he mumbled into his drink. The other man laughed. 

"Walked into a Starbucks and texted me back" The joined hands over the table and suddenly he forgot what he was worried about. They left the place around 9, walking down the streets hand in hand, sharing stories and laughing. Patton took him to the lake and breathed deeply. "I love this place" he said. "I used to come here all the time with my mom and dad when I was little. They always told me to bring someone special here" He looked at his boyfriend with sparkling eyes. "I've finally done it" Roman's eyes were shining with tears. They were still shining when Patton leaned forward and kissed him. They were shining when they walked back across the road. And the tears overflowed when a car came out of no where and suddenly the love of his life was on the ground. He wasn't sure how he did it. Wasn't sure how he dug his phone out of his pocket with numb fingers. Wasn't sure how he kept his voice steady as he requested an ambulance. It was only when he looked down and saw the blood that his body caught up with him and he cried. He held Patton's hand and he whispered soothing nothings. And when he leaned over him and continued to talk, he finally understood what Logan meant. The biggest lie you could tell.

_It's ok. You're going to be alright._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to @MJRocks for the suggestion!  
> Hope you enjoyed it!


	18. Ya bitch uninspired

So uh.. any ideas?

angst? crack? fluff? comedy? Another q and a? A personal q and a?

basically,

ya bitch uninspired 

 

-Update-

Thank you for the ideas! They sound like so much fun and I hope I can do them justice.

I'll start writing again as soon as I can

oh i forgot to mention XD

I was in a car crash a few weeks ago and had to have extensive surgery, I just got out of the hospital last week but they're putting me on bedrest for another 3 weeks.I I'll start writing again when I feel up to it (which should be soon XD) I hope you understand. Love you guys and thank you again for all the love and support, you have no idea how much it means to me

 

-one more update-

thank you all for understanding, helps take the weight off my conscious XD. Did i mention that i love you all?


	19. Well This Is a Fucking Nightmare...Before Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> GUESS WHO'S BACK FROM THE DEADDDDD  
> (Literally, i went into cardiac arrest once during my surgery XD)  
> Did you miss me? :D
> 
> I FINALLY WROTE THE NBC AU YAYYYYY  
> I wasn't quite sure what you meant, so this was my way of interpreting it  
> im so sorry if its trash

"Guys!" was the first thing Virgil heard on the 31st of October. He could tell, right away, that it was no one other than Roman fucking Sanders himself. "ITS HALLOWEEN LETS WATCH A MOVIEEE" 

"ROMAN IT IS LITERALLY 6 O CLOCK IN THE MORNING CAN IT WAIT?!" he heard Logan shriek from behind his door. Virgil snickered into his pillow. 

"It can _not_ Microsoft Nerd! I have in my hands the greatest Halloween movie of all time!" 

"Ooooh Nightmare Before Christmas!" came another voice. Ah. So Patton was awake too. 

"Wow, thanks for ruining my dramatic buildup" Virgil heard his phone buzz on the bedside table and he pawed at it with a tired hand. 

The Nerd Next Door

**So are you going or...?**

_Pfft no I want sleep_

**Yes, well, so do I, but I have the feeling that any minute Patton is going to come in and drags us out of our rooms**

_They'll never take me alive  ̿̿ ̿̿ ̿̿ ̿'̿'\̵͇̿̿\з=( ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)=ε/̵͇̿̿/'̿̿ ̿ ̿ ̿ ̿ ̿_

**Do NOT underestimate Morality**

_lol what happened to you?_

**( ͡ಠ ͜ʖ ͡ಠ) Nothing good.**

_ajsdhakljdfhakdjfhaf_

**I just think it would be nicer to leave our rooms with dignity instead of being hauled out over Patton's shoulder**

_You've got a point, brace yourself for social interaction_

**┬━┬ノ(▀̿̿Ĺ̯̿̿▀̿ ̿ノ)**

_omfg who taught you that_

Virgil sat up and pushed his sheets off with a disgruntled sigh. "YES ALRIGHT IM COMING" he yelled at no one in particular. Slouching as he stuck his head out the door, he saw Roman practically vibrating with excitement next to a beaming Patton, and Logan who looked like he'd rather be dead or literally anywhere else. He blinked and found himself on the couch downstairs, Princey hogging the snacks. He sighed and took a handful.

"If you're going to make me suffer, at LEAST share the goddamn popcorn" 

"What crawled up your butt and died?"

"SHHH THE MOVIE'S STARTING" whispered Patton at least 10 times louder than any of them were being. About five minutes into the movie, Logan spoke up from his end of the couch. 

"So, uh, is anyone's hand glowing or is it just me?" he asked, holding up his left that that was, indeed, glowing gold. 

"Nope, me too" said Patton, looking supremely unconcerned. Anxiety, being Anxiety, immediately got his guard up and nearly jumped a foot in the air when the same thing happened to him and Roman. "Well, this should be fun" and the four of them were gone.

**(owo imagine special effects here)**

"What the hell?" someone grunted. Virgil blinked and opened his eyes to the sound of high pitched screaming. Roman _fucking_ Sanders himself. Again. He turned and stared at what looked like Roman, but with stitched together skin and orange hair. Taking this as a cue to make sure he was alright, Virgil looked down at his hands and saw that they had been replaced with thin, white bones.

"Holy shit" he muttered. "I'm the pumpkin king" To his left, he saw Dr. Finklestien get to his feet. Well, Dr. Finklestien, but _hot_. His face had become more or less human and his teeth were straight **(gay)**. "Logan?" The doctor nodded. "Which means..." a barking came from his left and Zero came bounding up to his feet. "Holy shit Patton"

"Did we just...get pulled into the movie?" asked Roman-Sally. 

"I suppose so" said Logan a little glumly. 

"Are you kidding?! This is awesome!" laughed the creative side, prancing around the room until one of his legs fell off. "Crap. DR.STIEN!" he shrieked. Logan rubbed his eyes, pulling a needle and thread out of his pocket. 

"Christ Roman, not even 5 minutes and you've already managed to dismember yourself" he muttered, laying a neat row of stitches. 

"Woah, how are you so good at that" The logical trait looked at the newly attached leg and shrugged.

"I don't know, it's like it's as skill I've already learned and I needed to use it again. Funny though, I've never held a sewing needle in my life" 

"Maybe it's because we became the characters in the movie" supplied Roman from the ground. Patton barked agreement. Virgil prodded his face, surprised to have feeling in his fingers. 

"How am I seeing anything?! I don't have eyes!" Patton barked as if to say 'Really? _That's_ what you're worried about?'. "Ok, fine. How are we going to get back?" 

"Maybe if we go back to my-er-the Doctor's tower? There might be something there we can use" supplied Logan, already pacing the room for equipment. "Roman, where are we?"

"Right in the middle of town hall" There was a scrabbling on the steps outside the hall and the chattering of raised voices. "Well, we're fucked"  
  


End part one

 

(soRRY for the cliffy stay tuned for part two. I wanted to get this out so you know I'm back)


	20. Well This is a Fucking Nightmare (Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ack im sorry you had to wait for so long  
> *insert some self bashing here*  
> OK, enjoy the chapter

"Well, we're fucked"

"You said that in the last chapter"

"Can we not break the fourth wall now and figure out a way to get the hell outta here?"

"Arf!"

Roman grinned. "Lucky for you, I know every square inch of this place. Follow me" The four of them ducked behind the throne as the doors burst open and what looked like everyone in Halloween Town filed into the room. Logan peered at the door which was blocked by Shock, Lock, Barrel, and the Oogie Boogie. 

"Shit. Is there another exit?" The creative side nodded.

"There's a back door, past those pillars. The tricky part will be getting to it" Patton barked quietly and for some reason, Virgil could understand him.

_There's something wrong_

Virgil crouched down to be eye level with him. "What is it?"

_The characters, they're not moving_

The anxious side peeked around the edge of the throne to find that Patton was right. The monsters seemed to be in some sort of statis mode. "Uhhhh guys?" he whispered. Logan nodded. 

"You noticed too? Yeah. I thought that was strange. I think it's best we get out of here before they start moving" In answer, Patton ghosted (haha im funny) across the floor to the door, leaving behind a trail that looked like mist. He yapped something from the other side. 

"He says, follow directly in the mist. There's something not quite right about this place" Virgil translated. The four looked around uneasily and didn't argue. As they shut the door behind them, the voices started up again in the hall, angry this time. "That's our cue to fucking RUN" As the sides made their way down the street, the door to the hall flung open and someone yelled

"There they are! Get them!"

"Roman! Which way to the tower?!" shrieked Logan, a little out of character. No one could blame him though, since the Behemoth was literally 3 feet away from them and closing. 

"Through here!" he replied, diving suddenly to the left and under a stack of trashcans. Logan cursed under his breath slid under it, Virgil and Patton hot on his heels. "No time to stop" Roman yelled from down the alley. "If I'm right, Lock, Shock, and Barrell aren't that far behind us. The logical side hauled Virgil to his feet and they scrambled down the road just as the bins crashed down. "Ok, tower should be down here"

They sprinted down the cobblestones, making sharp turns and sometimes hiding in the bushes. A little while later, a giant tower loomed in front of them. Almost like he'd been doing it his whole life, Logan took a key out of his pocket and shoved into the lock, pushing them through the doorway and locking it behind them. 

The scrambled up into the room and immediately started looking for anything that might be able to help. Five minutes later, Patton barked something that made Virgil drop the pair of pliers in his hand. “You want him to do what?” he hissed.

Just trust me 

“No! He’s going to die!” 

He wont. Just trust me 

Virgil passed a hand over his face and sighed. “Logan” he called, making a come-hither motion. “Could you do me a favor and uh, jump out that window” For perhaps the first time in his life, Logan looked shocked. “Yeah I know. Patton asked me to tell you.” He looked around Virgil’s thin legs at the dog, who cocked his head appeasingly. 

“Oh alright. But if I’m dying, I’m taking them with me” He grabbed what looked like dynamite in a bottle and hurled it and himself out the window. 

Roman rushed over to it as an explosion ripped apart the ground outside. “WHAT THE HELL DID HE DO THAT FOR?!”

”I don’t know, Patton told him to do it”

”HE WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO KNEW HOW TO WORK THE FUCKING CONTROLS” he pointed to a set of four uncompleted bracelets. 

“Well did he leave plans?” 

“No!” 

“I guess we’re screwed then” Patton charged for the stairs and started pawing at the door. “Huh?” Virgil followed hesitantly and swung it open. Much to his surprise, a figure was headed towards them, about the same height as he was, and wearing a lab coat. “Logan?” He called into the mist. “Is that you?” 

“Yeah” the figure called back, the hint of a smile in his voice. “And Patton figured it out” 

“WAIT WHAT?!” Shrieked Roman after the logical side had explained it. “So it’s like we’re stuck in a video game?” 

Logan nodded. “Patton thought it was strange that the monsters never actually caught up with us, and we were running very fast. The timing was also very convenient too. We all got in and locked the door JUST as the monsters slammed against it.” 

“Wait so how did you not die” 

“Oh I did. But video game regeneration slaps”

”I thought I burned your vocab cards already” 

“ANYWAY, the point is, I know how to leave”. He handed each of them a bracelet, which he had been fiddling with in his lap. “Press the exit game button and we’ll be back in the mind palace” 

“Are you sure this’ll work?” Asked Virgil, his hand hovering over the device. Logan gave a smile that was all Dr. Finklestien.

”I sure hope so” and with that, he hit the button and disappeared. Roman shrugged and followed suit. Patton managed to hit his with his nose. Virgil looked around, nonplused before mumbling a quiet,

”Fuck this” and leaving the game as well. 

—more special effects—

“YES! WERE ALIVE” Roman fucking Sanders himself. For the third time. 

Patton giggled. “Oh it’s nice to be able to talk again” Logan adjusted his glasses. 

“Uh, is the end of the movie supposed to say that?” 

The four looked up at the screen where in giant orange letters, were the words “HAPPY HALLOWEEN BITCHES”


	21. Saying Sorry Without Saying Sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WHATTTT A HAPPY CHAPTER?! IM SHOOKK  
> 

**I WISH YOU'D NEVER EXISTED IN THE FIRST PLACE**

_YEAH? WELL THE FEELING IS MUTUAL_

Virgil sighed and put his face in his hands. "Well, that was a fucking nightmare" He was currently sitting in his room, regretting his life decisions. **(Same Virge, same).** "Why do you have to be so pathetic" he muttered to himself, resisting the urge to dig into his collection of MCR, P!ATD, and TOP and blare the moodiest, darkest song he had. Patton would notice. He shook his head. "No, I'm not doing it for attention and pity" after a beat, he faceplanted into his pillow. _Who am I kidding, of course I am_. Coming to a decision, he gritted his teeth and made his way to Roman's room, feeling stupid. Stopping at the door, he peered in through the crack and saw Logan sitting next to him. 

"What I think you need to do, is apologize" Roman opened his mouth to speak and Logan held up a hand to forestall him. "You said it to him first. I understand you were angry, but you had no excuse" 

"but he said it back.." the creative side mumbled, glancing down at his hands.  

"I know. You were both upset and said things you both didn't mean" Roman seemed to shrink to the size of a pea.

"But what if we meant it?" Logan paused for a moment. When he spoke again, his voice was as cold and sharp, like frost in the middle of winter. Virgil started slightly in shock. Logan was often strict, but he had _never_ used that tone of voice with anyone before, not even Deceit or Remus. 

"Then you're not the person I thought you were" he said, the words seemed to physically hurt the creative side, almost like he'd been slapped. "And apparently, neither is he" Logan sighed and stood up. Virgil turned to leave only to find Patton behind him.

"Pat?" he asked softly. The fatherly trait shook his head. 

"I'm going to have to agree with Lo on this was" was all the response he got as the other side headed for the stairs. "You were both out of line" Virgil hadn't even noticed that Logan had left. Putting his eye to the crack again, he saw something that would stay with him for a long time. Roman sat hunched over on the end of the bed, face in his hands, and crying. _Crying._ **_Crying._**

He rushed into the room before he knew what he was doing and put his arms around the other's shoulders. "It's ok Princey" he murmured. Roman just sobbed harder and in that moment, neither of them cared. The words didn't matter, the anger didn't matter. That could come later. They would figure it out later. For now, they just needed each other. The two sides sat like that for maybe hours, really only a few minutes, but to them it was an eternity. "Are you alright?" The creative side sniffled a little, drying his eyes discreetly on the edge of his sash.

"Logan's so mean" he muttered darkly. Virgil couldn't help it. He tried. Really, he did. Still, he probably deserved the glare he got for falling off the bed laughing. After a moment, the prince joined him on the floor. "You suck" he grunted, with absolutely zero malice in his voice. Virgil chuckled.

"You swallow" 

"OH MY GOD NO. NONONONONONO DID YOU JUST GO THERE?!" Virgil laughed even harder as Roman sat up, evidently having a crisis. "I can't believe you just made that joke"

"I'm not Patton, I can say what I want" 

"I-uh- ugh fineee you get that one" The two of them stood up and headed for the stairs. Roman offered his arm. "Shall we?" the corner of Virgil's mouth turned up.

"We shall" 

Somehow, the two of them knew that sorry was never really needed. Words are just words. Fights will happen. What you do to make it right is what counts. And sometimes, you just can't do it alone.

 


	22. The Sides Being Absolute Fucking Crackheads (And I mean ALL the Sides)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> here's to make up for the VVVVV short chapter i gave you  
> Im so sorry  
> Anyway enjoy this mini crackcollection

**DISCLAIMER: If you haven't watched the newest Sanders Sides video yet (Dealing With Intrusive Thoughts), go and watch it because this chapter contains massive spoilers for it and it won't make sense if you don't watch the video first. Ok that's it! Love you and enjoy**

 

Virgil peered out the window of his room to find Deceit and Remus standing outside in the rain. During a thunderstorm. Maybe it was just his imagination or maybe it was the way the Duke usually looked, Virgil thought he seemed a little crispy. He could make out Deceit's facepalm from where he was standing. Curiosity piqued, he shrugged on a raincoat and made his way outside to see Roman grumpily hand a twenty to his brother before stalking away with his nose in the air. The sound of his footsteps alerted the two dark(er) sides and the spun around to face him. Deceit looked like he wanted to take a knife to his forehead. Remus looked like he'd been stuck in a toaster with the setting on 5. "What the hell are you doing out here?" was all he could manage.

"Enjoying the rain and the fresh air?"

"Try again Deceit"

Virgil looked to The Duke who was triumphantly holding up a soggy bill, grinning so wide that the frizzled ends of his mustache actually fell off. "Roman Lettuce bet me 20 bucks I couldn't get struck by lightning. And he was wrong"

* * *

"What time is it?" murmured Roman to no one in particular. 

"I don't know. Hand me the sax" Princey shrieked and fell off his bed to find Remus staring down at him, waving. 

"The fuck are you doing in my room?" His brother gasped dramatically and put a hand to his forehead.

"Oh! Roman! I am shocked! It's my room too!" The other sighed and rubbed his eyes, conjuring a saxophone and tiredly throwing it in the general direction of the Duke. He cracked his knuckles and (very loudly might i add) played George Micheal's "Careless Whisper" into the silence. 

"What's that supposed to-" Remus held up a finger.

"Wait for it..."

'WHO THE FUCK IS PLAYING THE GODDAMN SAXOPHONE AT THREE IN THE MORNING I AM TRYING TO SLEEP" came a very angry shriek from Logan's room. The Duke looked across the bed at Roman.

"It's 3 am" 

* * *

 Patton set a third tray of cookies on the counter, catching a fork as it flew past his head with Matrix-like reflexes. He turned around to find Virgil and Roman glare at each other before noticing his gaze and managed to look somewhat sheepish. 

"So you see..." started Virgil. Patton sighed, a mix of affection and annoyance. 

"Listen kiddos, I need to go find Logan, he's been in his room for the past 7 hours and hasn't left since" Roman smiled.

"Are we going to hear kicking and screaming at some point?" The father figure gave a slightly malicious grin.

"Possibly. Now, can I trust you not to kill each other while I'm gone?" Virgil huffed.

"Duh _Dad,_ We're not kids" Patton gave them both one last skeptical look before heading for the stairs with a plate of cookies. Once he was out of earshot, the two remaining sides went right back to glaring again. "Eat shit and die"

Roman scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Yeah fuck you" 

"I HEARD THAT" 

* * *

No one was really sure why Patton thought it was a good idea to invite Remus and Deceit for Thanksgiving dinner, but he had made the puppy eyes and not even Logan had been able to say no. The 6 of them sat at the table, awkward silence stretching between them until Deceit tapped the table. Virgil's head whipped up and he tapped the table back. Deciet raised an eyebrow like he was being challenged and hammered something out of the surface of the wood. 

Roman leaned over. "What are they doing Calculator Watch?" he hissed loudly. Logan squinted.

"Morse code"

"Can you tell what they're saying to-" he broke off as Logan slapped the table, evidently sending a message of his own. 

_Language_

**_Fuck off Logan_ **

_Yeah what Virgil said_

_Sorry, did I just see Deceit side with Virgil?  
_

_**It's thanksgiving...?** _

_Uh, yeah it's thanksgiving. Yeah that's why I did it._

_Jesus christ I'm leaving this conversation._

The tapping went on for another five minutes before Virgil gasped, offended and glared glarefully at the Side across from him, not breaking eye contact as he slowly and deliberately tapped out a message. Deceit's eyes narrowed, almost denting the table. This time, Logan and Virgil hissed and glared full power at the snake. Logan looked at the younger side and nodded. Anxiety mouthed a polite "fuck you" before aggressively rapping on the wood with the end of his fork. The darker side slammed his hands down, breathing heavily. 

"YOU BITCH TAKE THAT BACK"

Patton, Remus, and Roman who had no idea what any of them had been saying for the past 15 minutes shrugged and picked up their plates as the sound of knuckles on wood rattled on behind them. "Happy Thanksgiving I guess?" whispered Patton out of the side of his mouth.

* * *

 Logan felt his phone buzz in his pocket and he groaned, looking at the pile of uncompleted work in front of him. Unlocking it with a swipe, he held it up to his ear and snapped a rather aggressive "Hello?". 

"Hello, is this a Mr. Logan Sanders?" rasped a voice on the other end of the line. The logical side sat up a little straighter before putting the phone on speaker. 

"Yes, you've reached him. What do you want?" The raspy voice giggled.

"Well Mr. Sanders, we've apprehended your boyfriend, and if you want him back, you're going to do exactly what we tell you to" Logan hummed unconcernedly and rolled his eyes.  

"Oh, you've got Remus? Good luck with that" The voice stopped rasping and promptly chocked. 

"WHAT THE HELL?!" came a high pitched squeak. "YOU BETTER EXPLAIN YOURSELF" He adjusted his tie and put his pen down, bringing the phone up to his mouth.

"Listen here Roman. I am tired and running on 6 cups of coffee. I have to finish Thomas' posting schedule as well as help plan for the next video. I haven't slept in 17 hours and I am _this_ close from wrecking the mind palace. Do _not_ try and fuck around with me today. Have I made myself perfectly clear?" It took a moment for the creative side to process what he had just said but eventually replied with.

"Yeah. Crystal clear. But wait are you actually dating the Duke?" he called last minute into the speaker. All he got was dial tone. "Goddammit nerd hung up on me" 

**(Btw I had no idea that intrulogical was a ship but like, I'm here for it XD)**

* * *

"Hey uh, not sure why I haven't asked this before but, why are you such a dick?" asked Roman, peering over his mug at Deceit. The dark Side stiffened and froze up in place. Creativity raised an eyebrow. "Was it something I said?" 

Logan looked up from his book. "I think he's having Nam flashbacks of being a single parent to Remus and Virgil" Patton nodded, giving Deceit a sympathetic shake of his head.

"That'll do it" 

* * *

Logan rolled his eyes. "YOU ARE BEHAVING LIKE A CHILD" he said calmly. Deceit shrugged.

"NO I AM NOT! I'M RIGHT AND YOU ARE WRONG. Remus back me up" he replied equally as calmly. The Duke seemed to materialize out of nowhere and stood by his friend's shoulder.

"Yeah, whatever he said, he's right. and fuck you Roman" The creative side had been sitting on the couch, trying to block out the whole thing.

"Wait I wasn't even in this conversation what-" 

Deceit made an explosion noise, fanning his hands out to imitate a bombshell. "Boom roasted bitches"

* * *

Virgil woke up one morning to the sound of someone slapping something. "I swear to god if it's Remus slapping the goddamn rice bags again" He shrugged on his jacket and made his way to the kitchen where Logan was waiting for him, watching in a sort of curious horror as he watched the Duke line up bags of rice and slap them. He turned to Virgil, who tried not to laugh at the look on his face. "Is he getting off on this or something?" he whispered.

Anxiety shook his head. "I don't know. He's been doing it for as long as I can remember" Logan winced as a resounding crack echoed in the kitchen and Remus laughed manically. That was followed by a rapid succession of slaps and high pitched laughter. Virgil had plugged in his headphones and was scrolling through tumblr. Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw Logan stand up and move out of his field of  vision. A moment later, a crack of skin against skin alerted him and his head shot up. The Duke was cradling his face as Logan shook out his hand.  

"Stop abusing the rice" was all he said, putting the bags back into the pantry. 

**(WHEN I SAID CRACK, I SAID CRACK, THIS MAKES NO SENSE I KNOW. BUT I SAID CRACK AND CRACK YOU SHALL GET)**

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is all i can think of for now  
> What do you guys want to see next? A ship? some angst? more mini crackcollections?  
> Comment below! Remember, requests are WIDE open~~


	23. Say, What Is A Ship?

**QUICK DISCLAIMER BEFORE YOU READ: I AM CALLING SHIP FREEDOM IN THIS CHAPTER, I DIDN'T WRITE ANY OF THE SHIPS AS ROMANTIC BUT IF YOU SQUINT, YOU CAN ACTUALLY LOOK AT ANY OF THE PAIRINGS IN HERE AND READ IT AS SUCH. REMEMBER, IF YOU SEE A SHIP YOU DON'T LIKE, JUST SKIP OVER IT. THERE'S GOING TO BE A LOT OF THEM IN HERE TRUST ME**

"Say, what is a ship?" Logan adjusted his glasses.

"Seriously Morality, you don't know what that is? It is a craft designed for water travel" 

"Yeah, even Prince knew that" muttered Virgil, pointing. 

"Yeah even I knew that" replied Roman, still taking selfies.

"Oh ok. It does not look like that but ok" 

 **The author for the third goddamn time:** WELL I'M GLAD YOU ASKED

 **Logan:** Literally, no one asked anything what-

 **Virgil:** oh my fucking god you again. Aren't the fans getting tired of you?

 **The author for the third goddamn time:** Most likely! Today we will be looking at ships. Which are NOT always crafts designed for water travel

 **Roman:** should I be worried

 **The author for the third goddamn time:** yes

 **Roman:** ok cool, just making sure

 **Patton:** ooh this should be interesting

 **The author for the third goddamn time:** ok, let's start with one of the most popular ships in the fandom... Prinxiety! 

 **Logan:** Prince what now?

 **The author for the third goddamn time:** We're gonna start with some fluffy stuff so I don't scar you for life from the beginning. 

****

**(DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE ARTWORK IN THIS CHAPTER. ALL CREDIT GOES TO THE AMAZINGLY TALENTED ORIGINAL ARTISTS)**

**Patton:** AWWWWW OH MY GOSH THATS SO CUTEEE

 **Logan:** it is indeed quite adorable

 **Roman:** ewwww no

 **Virgil:** ewwww no

 **Patton:** C'mon kiddos, it is really cute! And look at that artwork!

 **Logan:** *whispering* guys just go with it please

 **Roman:** Fine, I'll admit it is pretty cute

 **Virgil:** uh yeah, it's uh..... yeah. Cute

**Patton:** *eternal squealing* 

 **Logan:** ok that one is actually amazing

 **Virgil:** I hate you so much right now 

 **Logan:** I believe there will come a time when it is your turn to mock me 

 **Virgil:** true

 **Roman:** I can actually get behind this concept now. Like seriously though, that is a great picture 

 **Virgil:** fair enough, fair enough. I will begrudgingly admit that it is...cute

 **Roman:** can you literally say anything other than cute?

 **Virgil:** stfu

**Roman:** Oh look, we're dancing!

 **Patton:** I didn't know you could dance!

 **Virgil:** I can't

 **Logan:** Falsehood

 **Roman:** An I oop-

 **Patton:** Virgeeeeeeee

 **Virgil:** Ugh alright fine! Yes, I can dance

 **Roman:** Who in the heck taught you?

 **Virgil:** A combo of 4 am Youtube impulse searches and dragging Logan out of his room to dance with me

 **Patton:** and you...actually went along with this Lo?

 **Logan:** ....yes?

 **Roman:** How fucking sleep deprived were the two of you?

 **Logan:** Very

 **Virgil:** I maybe got like 20 minutes of sleep

**Logan:** We stan that

Virgil: ....I hate the fact that you used that correctly

 **Patton:** aaaawww look Roman's got the purple hair back

 **Roman:** I know right! A PRINCE HAS GOT TO SLAY

 **Logan:** We are RIGHT here

 **Virgil:** I look so peaceful in that picture... weird 

 **Patton:** Now Virgil, don't be mean! Smiling is a good look for you!

 **Virgil:** Whatever you say Dad

 **Roman:** He is right though

 **Virgil:** Mouth shut, Prince, before I do it for you

 **The author for the third goddamn time:** Now you've seen the fluff! I apologize for doing this but it must be done. If I'm suffering, then so are you

_** [Insert NSFW Prinxiety pic of your choice here because I'm too awkward to link it XD] ** _

**Patton:** NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 **Virgil:** MY EYES WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU

 **Roman:** MAKE IT STOPPPP

 **Logan:** FOR THE SAKE OF MY SANITY I BEG YOU BURN IT IN HELL

 **Patton:** WHO WOULD DRAW THAT OH MY NO

 **The author for the third goddamn time:** Chill chill. It's gone. Right, next, another popular ship! Logicality!

**Roman:** I-wow-ok-words-not-working

 **Virgil:** that-I have to say that is real fucking adorable I had no idea Logan could look that soft

 **Patton:** >/////< THISISAMAZING

 **Roman:** Nerd? you alright there?

 **Logan:** *unresponsive*

 **Roman:** I think we broke him

 **Virgil:** Logic.exe has unexpectedly quit

 **Patton:** Lo?

 **Logan:** What? Oh yes I'm awake

 **Virgil:** What do you think about the artwork?

 **Logan:** Is this you getting back at me?

 **Virgil:** damn right

 **Logan:** Very well. It is undeniably..what's that word... fluffy? 

 **Virgil:** nailed it

 **Logan:** and uh, i cant actually think of a negative thing to say about it

**Patton:** I think I might die this is too much for my heart to handle

 **Roman:** You are the heart, Padre. You die, Thomas dies, Thomas dies, we die. Don't die.

 **Logan;** Haven't we done this before?

 **Patton:** Yes! I remember now! I think it was.... last Tuesday?

 **Logan:** Ah yes that's it

 **Virgil:** CARE TO ELABORATE?!

 **Patton:** Oh yeah. I was having some trouble sleeping and so was Lo, so we sat on the couch and he read to me for like three hours it was awesome

 **Roman:** How are you two not dating?

 **Logan:** oh no, it's strictly platonic

 **Patton:** *same time* mmm not me kiddos, we're just friends.

 **Virgil:** I want to say you're lying but like... I don't know

 **Deceit:** Did someone say lying?

 **Virgil:** Get out

 **Deceit:** Rude

 

**Roman:** Platonic eh?

 **Logan:** yes... did you not hear me the first time?

 **Virgil:** I forgot about that episode. You know, we never really figured out which house I was in

 **Logan:** And we don't need to. You can go wherever fits best for you

 **The author for the third goddamn time:** Yeah! Sorry to chime in. I'm literally 50 percent Ravenclaw and 50 percent Slytherin. I have no idea which house I'd be in. I took the official test 4 times and got Ravenclaw twice and Slytherin twice

 **Patton:** Wait how did you take it four times?

 **The author for the third goddamn time:** ...made four accounts

 **Roman:** Slytherin right there

 **Logan:** Yes, but also he could be a Ravenclaw for thinking of that idea

 **The author for the third goddamn time:** I've been through this with myself at least 25 times. Right, back to the artwork! **(Also, what do you guys think? what house do you think I'm in? Let me know)**

**Roman:** I think this is the purest ship in the "fandom" Is that what they call it?

 **The author for the third goddamn time:** yup

 **Patton:** AWWWWWEEEEEEE MY HEART

 **Logan:** and that detail is amazing

 **Virgil:** I can I just take a moment?

 **The author for the third goddamn time:** sure thing

_*screaming in the distance*_

**Virgil:** I'm back sorry that was too cute

**[Again insert NSFW of Logicality here. Although don't go thinking too hard, I'm trying to keep Patton pure]**

**Virgil:** annnnd you ruined it

 **Roman:** I'm not going to unsee that

 **Logan:** please try to. For your sake and mine

 **Patton:** *has stopped working*

 **The author for the third goddamn time:** Terribly sorry. Next up is a personal favorite of mine, although I love pretty much every ship here. Analogical!

**Patton:** I can actually see this

 **Roman:** You two would be cute together

 **Logan:** As would you and Virgil

 **Virgil:** I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that

 **Patton:** ANYWAY look at that animation guys! It's so smooth!

 **Logan:** Yes, isn't that a scene from Ouran High School Host Club?

 **Virgil:** How did you know that?

 **Logan:** uh. How did you know that I knew?

 **Virgil:** Dammit

 **Roman:** Look at you two, arguing like an old married couple

 **Logan:** Don't get me started on you and Anxiety

 **Roman:** I-uh- ok you got me there

**Virgil:** Love how they made me taller

 **Logan:** *glares glarefully* **(GOOD OMENS REFERENCE ANYONE?)**

 **Roman:** Can you not be adorable for like, three seconds thanks

 **Patton:** I know right?! Oh my goodness these guys are so talented

 **Logan:** I will agree with you on that. I actually don't look dead inside

 **Virgil;** That was edgy even for me

 **Logan:** You're becoming a bad influence

 **Virgil:** You obviously don't mind

 **Roman:** True

 **Logan:** Wait you're agreeing with Virgil? That's a first

**Roman:** Excuse me while I go scream

 **Virgil:** This is...so soft

 **Logan:** I-wow

 **Roman:** DAMNNNNNN GET IT CALCULATOR WATCH

 **Virgil:** Never again

 **Roman:** yeah I regretted it the second it came out of my mouth

 **Patton:** FLUFF FLUFF AND MORE FLUFF

 **Logan:** wait no Patton don't throw the mattress- 

**Virgil:** I thought of angels chocking on their halos. Get em drunk on rose water

 **Logan:** I wasn't aware you knew that song

 **Virgil:** Touche

 **Logan:** I listen to it every Saturday evening 

 **Roman:** Why specifically Saturday evening?

 **Logan:** Because Sunday is the Lord's day

 **Patton:** ...

 **Roman:** ...

 **Virgil:** ...pfft

 **Logan:** *smol giggle*

**[regrettlby it must be done. Insert NSFW image here]**

**Virgil:** NOPE NOPE NOPE!

 **Logan:** What is your DEAL?!

 **Roman:**  What is _my_ deal? Bitch what is your deal?

 **Patton:** No please don't quote Remus

 **Roman:** Oh whoops

 **The author for the third goddamn time:** I'm just going to stop apologizing because honestly, I'm not that sorry. Right, Royality is next!

**Virgil:** Holy shit

 **Patton:** THIS IS SOO PURE

 **Roman:** IT'S ADORABLE CAN I HANG THIS ON MY WALL

 **Logan:** No one's stopping you

 **Patton:** Look at the sparkles eeeeeeeee

 **Logan:** This is just too precious to process

[ ](https://www.google.com/search?rlz=1C1CHBF_enUS700US700&biw=1280&bih=610&tbm=isch&sa=1&ei=S05VXam0LOqwtgWZ85uADg&q=patton+x+roman+fanart&oq=patton+x+roman+fanart&gs_l=img.3...213573.221044..221337...3.0..0.129.1738.22j3......0....1..gws-wiz-img.....0..0i67j0j0i24j0i30.P0emCMfy3rg&ved=0ahUKEwjphczP7oTkAhVqmK0KHZn5BuAQ4dUDCAY&uact=5#imgrc=biUOeKl-3uYWxM:)

**Roman:** Once again, the fluff is killing me

 **Logan:** metaphor?

 **Roman:** yes...ish

 **Logan:** Gotcha

 **Virgil:** Any ship with Patton in it is automatically pure say aye if you agree

 **Logan:** aye

 **Roman:** AYE

 **Patton:** aye?

 **Virgil:** aye

**[ ](https://www.google.com/search?rlz=1C1CHBF_enUS700US700&biw=1280&bih=610&tbm=isch&sa=1&ei=S05VXam0LOqwtgWZ85uADg&q=patton+x+roman+fanart&oq=patton+x+roman+fanart&gs_l=img.3...213573.221044..221337...3.0..0.129.1738.22j3......0....1..gws-wiz-img.....0..0i67j0j0i24j0i30.P0emCMfy3rg&ved=0ahUKEwjphczP7oTkAhVqmK0KHZn5BuAQ4dUDCAY&uact=5#imgrc=LMWW-6LRtZisdM:) **

**Virgil:** Aw look, Dad's blushing

 **Logan:** Can Roman actually lift Patton like that?

 **Roman:** I don't see why not

 **Logan:** Well, you _would_ be lifting your body weight

 **Roman:** Let's give it a try!

 **Patton:** Wait what

 **Virgil:** Sorry, just getting my phone out. Ok go

 **Patton:** WAIT NO ROMAN PUT ME DOWN 

 **Roman:** TA DAA

[ ](https://www.google.com/search?rlz=1C1CHBF_enUS700US700&biw=1280&bih=610&tbm=isch&sa=1&ei=S05VXam0LOqwtgWZ85uADg&q=patton+x+roman+fanart&oq=patton+x+roman+fanart&gs_l=img.3...213573.221044..221337...3.0..0.129.1738.22j3......0....1..gws-wiz-img.....0..0i67j0j0i24j0i30.P0emCMfy3rg&ved=0ahUKEwjphczP7oTkAhVqmK0KHZn5BuAQ4dUDCAY&uact=5#imgrc=0ri11xFx1ZeiiM:)

**Logan:** WE. GET. IT. YOU'RE. A D OR A BLE.

 **Roman:** Thanks

 **Logan:** Not you

 **Roman:** Rude

 **Patton:** Awww thanks Lo

 **Virgil:** How is this drawing literally a few lines but like, the cutest thing I've seen all-day?

 **Roman:** Going soft my chemically imbalanced romance?

 **Virgil:** What did we say about keeping the mouth shut

**[You know the drill. NSFW here. Do you guys actually want me to link them? You'd have the option of just not clicking the link if you didn't want to see it. But for those of you that do, should I? I don't mind either way]**

**Logan:** Ok honestly, this one wasn't as graphic as I feared

 **Virgil:** sTILL NoT eNOuGh cLOthING

 **Logan:** Fair point turn it off

 **Roman:** I will kill it with my bare hands. And this sword. 

 **Patton:** Yeah please do

 **The author for the third goddamn time:** dAMn this is a long chapter. Buckle up because it's getting longer. Let's see.... oh yes, Logince!

[ ](https://www.google.com/search?rlz=1C1CHBF_enUS700US700&q=logince&tbm=isch&source=univ&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjSg7uG84TkAhUGXa0KHTlfC-IQsAR6BAgGEAE&biw=1280&bih=610&dpr=1.5#imgrc=5PPBAsbCdSyXHM:)

**Virgil:** To be honest, we all live for the fucking tie pulls

 **Patton:** Have to agree with you on that

 **Roman:** mmmmmm yeah true

 **Logan:** What the hell?

 **Virgil:** You know, someone just grabs the tie and pulls

 **Logan:** Into a kiss?

 **Virgil:** Yeah

 **Logan:** O-Oh 

 **Roman:** Going a little red there

 **Logan:** If you don't shut up-

[ ](https://www.google.com/search?rlz=1C1CHBF_enUS700US700&q=logince&tbm=isch&source=univ&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjSg7uG84TkAhUGXa0KHTlfC-IQsAR6BAgGEAE&biw=1280&bih=610&dpr=1.5#imgrc=-ZSXVV0_UWhjlM:)

**Virgil:** SURE JUST STARE LOVINGLY INTO EACH OTHER'S EYES. SEE IF I GET LONELY

 **Roman** : Aww I think we're dancing in that one

 **Logan:** I don't dance

 **Patton:** I know you can

 **Logan:** Not a chance, no

 **Roman** : If I could do this, well you could do that

 **Logan:** But I don't dance- waitwaitwait was that High School Musical?

 **Virgil:**.... AHAHAHAHAHHHHAHAHA YES IT WAS I WAS WAITING TO SEE HOW LONG IT WOULD TAKE YOU

 **Roman:** I knew as well. I gotta say Microsoft Nerd, I am impressed that you knew the lyrics

 **Logan:** I hate you all

[ ](https://www.google.com/search?rlz=1C1CHBF_enUS700US700&q=logince&tbm=isch&source=univ&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjSg7uG84TkAhUGXa0KHTlfC-IQsAR6BAgGEAE&biw=1280&bih=610&dpr=1.5#imgrc=FsQY5QX3K50hSM:)

**Virgil:** We stan Logan with freckles

 **Patton:** What is it with all these fanart's being so freaking CUTE

 **Roman:** Wait, there's still the fifth picture we have to mentally prepare for. 

 **Logan:** Ugh don't remind me

 **Patton:** Why don't we focus on the cute ones while we can

 **Virgil:** Good idea

**Logan:** Oh! A Christmas one. I still have that screenplay you wrote for me 

 **Roman:** Did you like it?

 **Logan:** Very much so, thank you 

 **Virgil:** Bonding moment right here

 **Logan:** What? No, he's still aggravating

 **Roman:** Annoying as ever

 **Patton:** Aaaaand there it goes

 **Virgil:** Gotta admit though, this is lowkey fun

 **Logan:** True

 **Roman:** I know right?

 **Patton:** So accurate

**[Yeah, you know what's up. NSFW. You get it]**

**Virgil:** I agree with this one

 **Logan:** what the fuck

 **Virgil:** You do strike me as a bottom

 **Roman:** pfft

 **Logan:** I-wha-how dare you

 **Patton:**  What's a bottom?

 **Virgil:** DONT WORRY ABOUT IT

 **Roman:** DONT WORRY ABOUT IT

 **Logan:** DONT WORRY ABOUT IT

 **The author for the third goddamn time:** Very entertaining. Ok, last one out of you four, Moxiety!

 **Logan:** Wait you mean we're shipped with the other sides too?

 **The author for the third goddamn time:** Did I fucking stutter

 **Logan:** No? Why is that relevant to my question?

 **The author for the third goddamn time:** Nevermind on with the fanart

[ ](https://www.google.com/search?rlz=1C1CHBF_enUS700US700&q=moxiety&tbm=isch&source=univ&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwin9f2ihIXkAhVIRa0KHZi-BeAQsAR6BAgHEAE&biw=1280&bih=610&dpr=1.5#imgrc=Oa_fUoSOsrnRyM:)

**Roman:** I didn't think I'd like this ship but it _is_ sailing off into the sunset

 **Logan:** I thought ships in this context were not synonyms for boats?

 **Roman:** It's uh-it's a thing- never mind 

 **Virgil:** Is Patton wearing my hoodie?

 **Patton:** I think so? I am! awwww that's the sweetest thing 

 **Logan:** Damn straight-Roman DONT comment

 **Roman:** dag nabit

[ ](https://www.google.com/search?rlz=1C1CHBF_enUS700US700&q=moxiety&tbm=isch&source=univ&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwin9f2ihIXkAhVIRa0KHZi-BeAQsAR6BAgHEAE&biw=1280&bih=610&dpr=1.5#imgrc=OFeLyXzWCtjEkM:)

**Logan:** UwU

 **Virgil:** No

 **Logan:** OwO

 **Virgil:** More no

 **Logan:** Do I need to bring up Weedie Chan?

 **Virgil:** Bring up Weedie Chan and I will personally kill you

 **Roman:** MOVING ON TO THE ARTWORK

 **Patton:** This is so sweet. I live for forehead kisses

 **Roman:** Don't we all?

 **Virgil:** No

 **Logan:** No

 **Roman:** Buzzkills

[ ](https://www.google.com/search?rlz=1C1CHBF_enUS700US700&q=moxiety&tbm=isch&source=univ&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwin9f2ihIXkAhVIRa0KHZi-BeAQsAR6BAgHEAE&biw=1280&bih=610&dpr=1.5#imgrc=wLOWyLgywqUt7M:)

**Patton:** AWWWW WE TURNED YOUR ROOM INTO A PILLOW FORT

 **Virgil:** I thought I would hate that but like, looking at it now, it actually looks pretty comfy

 **Roman:** Maybe should turn my room into a giant pillow fort

 **Patton:** Ooooh I'll help

 **Logan:** Would it help to know that I have fairy lights?

 **Roman:** YES

 **Patton:** YES

 **Logan:** Jeez alright get off me

 **Patton:** ANOTHER!

**Virgil:** Soft

 **Roman:** Soft

 **Patton:** Soft?

 **Logan:** Soft

 **Deceit:** Soft

 **Virgil:** I SAID GET OUT

 **The author for the third goddamn time:** Wait no he can stay

 **Virgil:** WHAT

 **The author for the third goddamn time:** yeah

 **Virgil:** Perish

 **The author for the third goddamn time:** I wish

 **Virgil:** Wait no

 **Roman:** You good fam?

 **The author for the third goddamn time:** MOVING ON. I'll let you guy slide for this one. Patton is pure and so is Virgil.

 **Patton:** THANK YOU

 **Deceit:** Skip what exactly?

 **Logan:** Don't worry about it

 **Virgil:** Seriously don't

 **Roman:** YEAH DON'T

 **The author for the third goddamn time:** Right, next ship that I'm here for because I found it yesterday and ship it to no end. Loceit!

**Patton:** *wheezing*

 **Roman:** ok but why can I see this happening

 **Virgil:** I-yeah ok you have a point

 **Logan:** People ship us?

 **Deceit:** Apparently 

 **Patton:** HAHAHAHAHA oH My GoODNesS I need to see more of this

 **Virgil:** You alright there Pat?

 **Patton:** Yeah, sorry. I just have a feeling this is gonna be hilarious

**Patton:** AH HA HA HA I WAS RIGHT

 **Deceit:** All I can see is angry floof I swear this is going to end me

 **Virgil:** Good

 **Logan:** Play nice

 **Roman:** Its CUTEEEEEE WHAT THE HECK

 **Patton:** My reaction exactly

 **Roman:** WHODA THUNK IT

 **Logan:** What

 **Virgil:** What

 **Deceit:** What

 

 **Logan:**  Call me Lo-Lo, and I will freak 

 **Deceit:** I don't know, I'd like to see that

 **Patton:** Are you making flirty eyes?

 **Logan:** What the hell are you talking about Deceit?

 **Deceit:** I'd like to see you go a little...crazy, that's all. Lose control for once. 

 **Logan:** ...

 **Roman:** ...

 **Patton:** ...

 **Virgil:** ahem. Hamish

 **Logan:** What?

 **Virgil:** Virgil Hamish Sanders, If you're looking for baby names

 **Logan:** Wow

 **Deceit:** Salty

 **Roman:** nah ah ah You don't get to talk

 

**Patton:** *squealing*

 **Deceit:** Totally not cute at all

 **Virgil:** Hate to agree with you but true

 **Logan:** Why is this working like, what?

 **Virgil:** Goddamn we're getting corrupted 

 **Deceit:** Hate to agree with you but true

 **Roman:** We all know what's coming next

 **Virgil:** NO WE ARE GOING TO SKIP THE FUCK OUT OF THAT ONE

 **Deceit:** What's coming next?

 **Logan:** You'll see

**[Winces in gay. NSFW. Don't imagine it. Please]**

**Deceit:** oh

 **Logan:** Yeahhhhhh

 **Deceit:** I'll go die now

 **Logan:** Wait for me

 **Roman:** Is there room in the grave for one more?

 **Virgil:** Make that two more

 **Patton:** What he said

 **The author for the third goddamn time:** Right, we're gonna take a small break from the Deceit ships and bring in the Duke

 **Virgil:** nuuuu

 **Remus:** I'm here

 **The author for the third goddamn time:** Great. On to this next one that I found, Intrulogical

 

 **Roman:** I wasn't aware that it was possible for the Duke to look good

 **Virgil:** What is it with Logan and the ships?

 **The author for the third goddamn time:** He's shipped with literally everybody. Get used to it

 **Remus:** There's no garbage, blood, death or anything but I still like it?

 **Deceit:** Welcome aboard the Ship Train. Where it doesn't make all that much sense but it works anyway. **(Oof same Decey)**

 **Patton:** awwwwww look at the little stars!

 **Logan:**  The Duke and I huh? Interesting

 

 **Deceit:** I literally have nothing bad to say about this what the fuck **(So, I was like, it's too confusing to have Deceit speak in opposites, especially when you can't hear the tone of voice. You'll be able to tell when he's lying tho. Ex: _Totally_ hate that etc.)**

 **Remus:** Nice hands Logan

 **Logan:** thanks?

 **Virgil:** No don't do it-

 **Remus:** bet they'd look better wrapped around my d-

 **Logan:** Dictionary? I wasn't aware that you owned one

 **Roman** : Nice one Nerd

 **Deceit:**  Wow th-that was clever, you've earned my respect

 

**Virgil:** Logan if you say "uwu" I swear to god

 **Logan:** Darn

 **Remus:** That is a snazzy collar I got going on

 **Roman:** Sure, let's go with snazzy

 **Deceit:** _Definitely_ doesn't make you look like Count Dracula

 **Virgil:** Oh ho ho ohhh shit

 **Remus:** Are Deceit and Virgil having a bonding moment?

 **Deceit:** Are we?

 **Virgil:** No idea

**Roman:** DAMN

 **Logan:**  That is a pipe dream, I am not kissing anyone who's eats their deodorant. Much less when it's shit flavored

 **Deceit:** Remus are you drinking perfume?

 **Remus:** Maybe

 **Virgil:** Why the hell would you drink perfume?

 **Remus:** You heard Logan

 **Logan:** *sweats nervously*

 **Roman:** I'll distract him and you run

 **Patton:** Oh look where we are, the fifth picture

 **Deceit:** no

 **The author for the third goddamn time:** I'll let you off the hook for this one

 **Logan:** THANK YOU

 **Deceit:** WE HAVE BEEN SAVED

 **Patton:** I LOVE YOU

 **Roman:** I SHALL CROWN YOU KING

 **Virgil:** OUR FUCKING SAVIOR HAS DESCENDED FROM THE HEAVENS **(Bitch tf you on about I crawled out of hell)**

 **Remus:** Wait what are we talking about?

 **Everyone:** NOTHING

**The author for the third goddamn time: My hands are hurting. Back to the Deceit ships, we've got Moceit**

 

 **Virgil:** I'm trying really hard not to like this

 **Roman:** Trying and failing

 **Logan:** Seriously though, any ship with Patton in it is pure

 **Deceit:** I am at a loss for words

 **Remus:** You and me both buddy

 **Deceit:** Don't call me that

 

 **Logan:** UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MY NON EXISTENT HEART

 **Virgil:** That's _my_ thing. Not fucking cool dude.

 **Deceit:** I just realized that if you changed the colouring, the faces, and swapped the bowtie and tie, this would literally be a fanart of the Ineffable Husbands

 **Remus:** Holy shit you're right

 **Patton:** Oh my god that just made it even cuter

 **Roman:** MMMMMMMMMMMM MY GOD

**Remus:** *hysterical laughter*

 **Roman:** OH MY GOD VIRGIL JUST BUSTIN IN THERE WITH A GUN AND A BIBLE

 **Logan:** Ridin' around the block, with a glock, yo ass finna get shot

 **Deceit:** That was unexpected

 **Virgil:** and fucking hilarious. Good on you Logan

 **Patton:** hehehehehheeh

 **Roman:** Again, I think he's broken

**Virgil:** Cannot think of anything bitter or cynical to say about this one either

 **Remus:** Where's the blood?

 **Logan:** In their bodies dipshit

 **Remus:** No I mean- 

 **Patton:** WELL I THINK it's an adorable picture. What about you Dee?

 **Deceit:** DOn't call me that. I will begrudgingly admit that it is probably one of the most wholesome things I've seen in my life.

 **The author for the third goddamn time:** Should I just leave out the NSFW pictures for the rest of this?

 **Patton:** YES

 **Logan:** I IMPLORE YOU

 **Virgil:** IF YOU WANT TO LIVE wait that doesn't work IF YOU WANT TO DIE

 **Deceit:** YES LEAVE IT OUT

 **Roman:** YES

 **Remus:** NO

 **Roman:** Stfu bro

 **The author for the third goddamn time:** My ears. Damn. Right, Roceit

 

**Remus** : I-ok that would happen

 **Roman** : Yup

 **Deceit:** Anyone else read it as ineffable?

 **Logan:** I thought it was just me

 **Patton:** oooh look, Dee has freckles in this one!

 **Deceit:** Don't call me De- ok whatever 

 **Virgil:** Good call

 

 

 **Logan:** What is it with Roman lifting people?

 **Patton:** No idea

 **Remus:** Look at the little blushies!

 **Virgil:** Staph

 **Deceit:** Team up against the Duke?

 **Virgil:** Sure

 **Remus:** wow 

**Roman:** I guess literally anyone can look soft 

 **Deceit:** Are you implying that I can't

 **Roman:** mmmmmm yeah

 **Deceit:** Bet

 **Deceit:** *proceeds to be softboi*

 **Logan:** O-Oh

 **Roman:**  I take back what I said

 **Virgil:** DAMN SON

 **Patton:** Can we keep him?

 **Remus:** WHATTT

 **Deceit:** Cough up bitches

 

 **Virgil:** MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM STOP MAKING DECEIT LOOK GOOD

 **Roman:** WHAT EMO SAID

 **Patton:** AWWWWWWW OH MY GOD THE CHUBBY CHEEKS AND THE HANDS UGHHHH

 **Logan:** ALDJFHLADJKFH;ADFJHA;D

 **Virgil:** Did you just make a keyslam noise with your mouth?

 **Logan:** I think so

 **Deceit:** That takes talent, good job

 **Remus:** Again, no gore or death or butts but it's good?

# (Don't wanna do this to you again but the chapter is getting too long. Here's part 1 XD. Part two up shortly. Comments and kudos are appreciated because I literally spent like 5+ hours on this)


	24. Soccer Moms (Dads I Guess)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Have this short, relatively fluffy chapter because I've got so much angst lined up it's not funny  
> Posting schedule will be as follows:
> 
> Logicality Hanahaki request  
> Anxeit offer/request  
> Part 2 Sides React to Ships  
> Platonic Moxiety (Romantic Prinxiety/Eventual Romantic Royality) angst   
> Loceit angst  
> (and if no one has any requests, I'll do a Roman angst chapter)
> 
> Hope you like angst because I'm laying it on THICC

Virgil first noticed something was off when Logan was late for a video. Late with a glass of wine in his hand no less. "Excuse me Thomas" he had said. "I need to take care of something". He sank down and returned a minute or two later, without the glass of wine this time. 

"You want to elaborate?" Thomas had asked, looking as confused as the rest of them felt. 

"Not really no"

 

The second time was when he literally couldn't find Logan anywhere. Not in his room, not in Roman's or Patton's, he wasn't in the kitchen on the living room, not the bathroom or anywhere that he could find in the mind palace. He was about to ask Thomas to summon him when Logan rose up in the kitchen, putting what looked like a bottle of something into the fridge. 

"The hell were you all day?" he asked, worry and relief making him sound harsher than intended. 

"A meeting" was all he got in reply.

 

The third time, which was the last straw for him, was when Logan actually came out of his room to watch a movie with them. Willingly. With somewhat of a smile. Virgil had enough. "Ok Teach, what the fuck is going on?". Maybe for the first time in a while, Logan actually looked flustered. 

"What do you mean?" Virgil rolled his eyes. 

"Don't play dumb. You're not around here anymore, you were LATE to a video which never happens, and you're watching a Disney movie with us? Willingly?" The logical side opened and closed his mouth a few times. 

"Alright. You really want to know?"

"YES!" He sighed. 

"Deceit and I meet up once a week to drink wine and talk shit about the rest of you like white suburban soccer moms"


	25. FREEEEEE FALLLLINNNNNGGGGGG....for the wrong guy

**Logicality. Blood warning, unrequited love, angst. Collage/Human AU. I gave them last names btw.**

**Patton Hartson**

**Roman Princely**

**Logan** **Croftsmith** _(an i oop)_

**Virgil Stormhill**

**Bonus, spot the references in this chapter and comment how many you found XD**  

Of course, Patton had to fall in love with the most sensible guy in school. He'd never been the type to go in for relationships anyway, at least, not after Remy. But here he was, catching feels for maybe the one person in the world that wouldn't love him back. Perfect. And if that wasn't bad enough, the goddamn flowers he was coughing up every morning weren't exactly helping. The only person he'd told was Virgil, his best friend since diapers. 

"Maybe you should see a doctor" was the first thing he had said. Patton had whined and complained about it being expensive and not worth it until a purple iris forced its way out of his mouth.

"Yeah, maybe I should"

Virgil had then proceeded to shove him into the back of his car and drive like a maniac towards the hospital. Patton had gotten admitted into the ICU immediately and was told that they would keep him alive for as long as possible, but unless the flowers went away, they would have to surgically remove them. Patton didn't see what was so bad about the surgery option until Virgil told him that if he did, he'd never feel love again. To which Patton replied that he'd rather die. 

Virgil had called Princeton and told them that Patton wouldn't be attending classes for a few months, he didn't add that he might not be coming back. The school had agreed and taken Patton off the roster. "We'll save him a spot in case he gets better," said the Dean. "Actually, we've got a highly trained medical student here, would you like us to quote un-quote 'dispatch' him to the hospital? A familiar face might make Mr. Hartson feel a little safer" 

"How do you know Patton will know him?" 

"Mr. Hartson knows everyone" the Dean had replied with a hint of a smile in her voice. So Virgil had agreed. Later that day, Roman had shown up, another close friend of Patton's. He'd practically broken down the door in a panic and leaped like a fucking ballerina at the hospital bed, a bunch of flowers in his hand. 

"PATTON ARE YOU DYING OH MY GOD NURSE HE'S DYING GET IN HERE" was his greeting. Patton coughed and gave him a small smile.

"I'm not dead yet Roman, apparently, they're sending one of the med students from the campus"

"D'you think you'll know them?"

"I know everyone" Virgil tapped him on the shoulder.

"Hey uh, Princey, you might want to get rid of the flowers?" Roman turned around, huffing.

"And why is that Emo Nightmare, these not good enough for him?"

"No, but he has Hanahaki and I'm not sure he wants to see any more petals" Virgil felt a little guilty at the look of surprise and remorse on Roman's face. Instead of disposing of them like a normal human being, Roman pranced over to the window and dramatically flung them into the parking lot below. Unfortunately, they were roses and an angry "OW" came from below them. He winced and slammed the window shut.

"There goes your love life" joked Virgil.

"Shame. Who was that tall drink of water anyway?" 

"You saw him?"

"Only some of his face"

"What'd he look like?"

"A tall drink of water"

"Care to elaborate?"

"A tall drink of water with glasses?"

"Jeez you're hopeless" 

There was a knock at the door and Valerie, a nurse walked in. "Hello Mr. Hartson," she said a little sadly. Patton gave her a wave. "The med student from Princeton is here" She turned around and mumbled something to the person out in the hallway. As the figure made their way into the room, Roman choked on his drink.

"Goddamn rose thorns," he said, pulling one out of his neck and turning towards the bed. "Hey Patton" 

"LOGAN?! YOU'RE THE MED STUDENT THEY DECIDED TO SEND?!" shrieked Roman. Logan shifted his eyes sideways. 

"Princey, I see you haven't changed at all"

"Not since the rap battle" he grumbled. The ghost of a smile made its way onto Logan's face.

"I remember that. You know, it was pretty fun in the end"

"For you maybe" 

"Awww, mad that I beat the pants off you?"

"You did not!"

"He did," said Virgil and Patton at the same time. Roman muttered something that sounded like "traitors" under his breath as Logan made his way to the chair next to Patton's bed. 

"Hi, how're you doing?" he said. Patton flushed and tried to get his heart rate under control.

"Crappy" he mumbled.

"Ok, care to explain why?"

"Uh..." 

"He's got flowers growing in his lungs" called Virgil from across the room. That sent both of Logan's eyebrows soaring. 

"Hanahaki" he muttered softly. He took the stethoscope from around his neck and put the rubber ends into his ears. "I'm going to check how far it's spread" he explained. "I'll need you to sit up ok?" Patton nodded and hauled himself upright, shivering as Logan put his hands on his back, along with the stethoscope drum. "Breathe in for me?" He complied and resisted the urge to cough. "And out?" After a moment, he took the drum off of his patient's back and put it on his chest. "In again" he muttered, the corner of his eyebrow tilting down slightly in concentration. Patton blushed at how close they were, turning an even darker red when Logan glanced up to meet his eyes. "And out one more time" 

He sat back and put the instrument back around his neck. "Well, the good news is that it's not too bad at the moment, they've only started growing. Good you came in when you did" 

"You're welcome!" yelled Virgil from his seat. Logan let the edge of his mouth turn up slightly, the smile making Patton's heart stutter.

"I'd say you've got at least half a year before you'd have to think about surgery. Or until the lucky guy shows up and professes his undying love for you" 

"How did you know it was 'guy'" asked Virgil, a little archly.

"He _was_ dating Remy last year, wasn't he?" he replied. "That and the fact that he's got a rainbow heart tattoo on his left arm" Roman snorted.

"Alright, Sherlock Holmes" At that moment, Logan's phone rang he sighed in annoyance, holding it up to his ear.

"Hello?" he snapped. "Ah sorry Tayln, it's been a long day. Yeah, I drove to Princeton from Stuart Road" Patton raised his eyebrows at Virgil. _'All the way from Stuart? Damn'_ he mouthed. "Yes, I KNOW it's a long drive. Oh, why?" he glanced sideways at the man on the bed for a millisecond. "I had a patient. What? They do? Sure. Yes, you can tell the Dean I'll do it. Yes, alright, yes love you too, ok bye" he grunted and hung up the phone. "People take forever to say goodbye" 

"Was that uh, your girlfriend?" asked Patton, feeling the flowers squeeze tighter in his chest. **(I am aware that Tayln uses they/them pronouns but Patton doesn't know that)** Logan stared at him for a minute before bursting out laughing. Virgil's eyes went moon-sized. He hadn't heard Logan laugh before. Looking at Roman, he could guess that he hadn't either. 

"Who Talyn? No, they're my best friend. I met them two years ago during a lecture" he replied. The flowers seemed to relax at that.

"What were they calling you about?" Logan had his hand on the doorknob, he was about to step out before he turned around and smiled ever so slightly.

"It looks like I'm going to be your doctor for the next six months"

**-OWO TIME SKIP-**

Patton lay on his bed, spitting a blood speckled flower into the basin beside him. He knew he was dying, and for some reason, that didn't scare him. _I've lived a good life._ He thought. _I'm what, 24 now? That'd old enough right?._ He was jerked out of his thoughts by another coughing fit, he glared at the iris as it too landed amongst the others. Outside, he heard the murmur of discussion, voices he recognized as Logan, Roman, and Virgil. 

"Just tell him you love him!" Virgil. 

"I can't! What would Patton think?!" _Oh. Logan loved someone else then._ Patton tuned out the rest of the conversation in his misery. _Makes sense._ He thought to himself. _Why would Logan ever love him anyway?_ In all honesty, the only reason Patton was still alive was the fact that he was holding out for Logan. He saw no point in struggling. _Oh well, take your time, l'll see you on the other side,_  he thought, the edges of his vision darkening. He thought he heard a small voice in his head. _It's alright,_ it told him. _You'll see him again._

"Yeah, I will" he murmured. Just before he let go, he very faintly heard Logan yell

"That's the point! I've been trying to keep him alive for as long as I can and IT'S NOT ENOUGH! And it hurts so much more because _I love him_ " 

The heart monitor flatlined. 


	26. Beauty and the Beast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The chapter that no one asked for (ok one person) BUT STILL GOT ANYWAY!  
> The pairing in this is going to be Anxeit and I know a lot of you aren't crazy about the ship but I need some diversity in here. Also, if you liked the story but dont ship it, PLEASE dont comment stuff like "I don't ship it but loved the story!" I really didn't want to type this note but it has to be said and I apologize (this happens on my tumblr too and im sick of it lol) If you liked the story and want to say that you did, go right ahead! I love to see what you guys think, your requests, and what I can improve on, but please please please for the sake of my sanity PLEASE don't comment about if you don't like the ship  
> That's all and thank you!  
> -Ash

"Your father is a fool. And so are you!" the last words the stranger had said to him, before dragging his father away and leaving him in the cell. Virgil sighed and rubbed his arms, it wasn't exactly warm at the top of a stone tower in the winter. 

"Maybe I am" he thought. 

"Of course you aren't" came a voice from around the corridor. _Oh, he'd said that out loud._ "That was very noble of you" Huh. That didn't sound like the stranger, _his_ voice reminded Virgil immensely of a snake. Just for good measure, he picked up the stool he was sitting on and brandished it like a weapon. "Oh put that down, I'm not going to hurt you" said the voice again. He didn't. The cell door swung open and Virgil peeked out, nearly letting out a squeak of surprise. 

Waving up at him was what looked like a golden man, only a few inches tall, with candles for hands and one on top of his head. "I'm here to escort you too your room" Virgil threw the chair. After a moment, the prince stood up again, relighting the candle on top of his head. "Feisty. Excellent quality"

Virgil decided not to ask. "What the hell are you?" the candlestick bowed.

"Prince Roman, at your service"

"And... you're a candlestick?"

" _Candelabra_ please. I have some class" 

"Alright Prince Candelabra, where the hell am I?"

"He's not a real prince" came a stern voice. "He wishes he was one". A metallic clanking came from the stairs and a small French style carriage clock made it's way into view. The clock was sporting librarian like glasses and a severe expression. 

"Shut your face Logan" Roman huffed, a smile breaking out onto his face. "Get it? Shut your face? Cause clocks have faces?" If a clock could look unimpressed...

"Insufferable as always. Anyway, what in the Devil do you think you're doing?! The master isn't going to be happy about this" he hissed. Roman shrugged, waving off the comment. 

"Don't worry about it, I'll do the talking" Logan sighed and turned to Virgil, who was staring and trying not to be rude. 

"Well, I suppose you should follow us. Unless you want to stay here for the rest of the night" 

"And why should I trust you?" he asked, still very much on guard. The clock raised an eyebrow. (If you could call it that).

"Have you got another choice?"

* * *

Virgil looked around his bedroom, easily the size of his cottage. "It's lovely" he said without meaning to. A feather duster glided in, brushing the dust from a the top of the mantlepiece.

"Enchanté monsieur and all that shit. Name's Remy. Don't worry about this place gurl, I'll get it cleaned up faster than Valerie can have a mood swing" Roman cackled loudly and Logan hid a snort behind his hand. Remy settled next to Roman and slapped him a high five, the prince hastily blowing out the candle. 

"What's poppin?"

"My joints" replied the clock. He froze and winced, Virgil was about to ask why when a cart wheeled itself through the doorway, carrying a teapot and cup.

"LOGAN?!" Shrieked the pot. "WAS THAT A DAD JOKE?!" Logan looked like he wanted to throw himself out the window. 

"Hey Patton. Look, we've got a guest" he said, gesturing in hopes of diverting his attention. The teapot turned to Virgil and squealed. 

"Hello! I'm Patton, but everyone around here calls me dad! What's your name?"

He blinked, a little surprised. "H-Hi, I'm Virgil. Not really sure how I got here" Patton chuckled. 

"Well that's alright! I'm gonna try to help you out best I can. For now though, let me introduce you to your wardrobe. VALERIE!"

Virgil started as he wardrobe yawned and came to life. "Hhhhhh what time is it?" she grumbled. 

"Valerie! We've got a guest!" announced Roman in a grand voice. That seemed to wake her up instantly and she immediately got to examining the rather startled captive. 

"Oooh, so handsome! Your eyes are stunning dear, yes, maybe if we comb your hair, give you a nice coat.." as she was speaking, clothes flew out of the drawers and swirled through the air, blocking his view. When he could see again, he looked down and gasped in horror. He was wearing a garish bright green coat with far too many layers of ruffles and orange pants that would have looked better on someone painted on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel.

Behind him, he heard Remy try not to laugh and the rest of the castle objects made for the door. "Looks lovely" tried Roman, not convincing anyone. "We'll be back in a bit!"

* * *

Virgil was screwed, to put it lightly. Four wolves, one horse, and no weapon. Damn he should have thought this through. Well, that's what happens when you storm out of an enchanted castle in a huff and no plan. Where was he? Oh yes, getting mauled by wolves.

He crouched, picked up a rock, and flung it at the closest one. It whined and pawed at it's ear before snarling and stalking forward with renewed anger and determination. Just as it was about to pounce, a yellow and black blur flashed across his vision and suddenly the wolf was gone. He spun to where it and Deceit were grappling, red spreading across the snow.

Deceit thrust once more with a dagger and the animal fell back. The rest of the pack snarled and closed in on the solitary man who narrowed his eyes and hissed, long, low, and powerful. Virgil swore his teeth buzzed. The wolves whimpered and backed off, Deceit turning to look at his captive before collapsing in the snow, blood staining the side of his outfit. 

"Oh damn it" sighed Virgil, looking back to where Deceit lay, unconscious and dying on the ground. His horse looked at him and made that noise horses make when they know that they're right. "Yes alright fine, I'll take the goddamn snake back" 

Deceit woke up with a hiss, only to find his torso patched up and he was in his bed, Virgil reading beside him. "You-You sssaved me?"

"You saved me, only fair snake face" He ignored the last comment and peered at the book he was reading. 

"Love's Labor's Lost?" Virgil shrugged and pulled a face. 

"I know. But it's the only one I could find" He groaned and put the book down. "From women's eyes this doctrine I derive"

"They sparkle still the right Promethean fire" finished Deceit, closing his eyes as the wound in his side pulled at him. 

"You know Shakespeare?"

"I know it all" Virgil scoffed.

"Really?" The snake cracked one eye open and stared at him. 

"When icicles hang by the wall, and Dick the shepherd blows his nail, and Tom bears logs into the hall, and milk comes frozen home in pail. When blood is nipp'd and ways be foul, Then nightly sings the staring owl, To-whit! To-who! -a merry note, while greasy Joan doth keel the pot"

Virgil blinked, completely shocked and tried not to let it show. "Uh, that was easy to remember, cause uh, it rhymes. T-Try again" he managed. Deceit chuckled and closed his eyes again, looking for all the world like a sleeping saint. **(Yes, saint. You read that right. No, it's not meant to be snake XD)**

"A lover's eyes will graze an eagle blind, a lover's ears will hear the lowest sound, when the suspicious head of theft is stopped, love's feeling is more soft and sensible than are the tender horns of cockled snails. Love's tongue proves dainty Baccus gross in taste" he turned his head and opened his eyes once more and spoke the last lines with more feeling than he needed. "For valour, is not love a Hercules, still climbing trees in the Hesperides?"

Virgil felt his throat close up with an unknown feeling and was unable to speak for a moment. When he did, his voice was dry and raspy. "It uh, it was _gaze_ an eagle b-blind" he whispered hoarsely. Deceit rumbled a low laugh. 

"Of coursse. How foolissh of me"

* * *

Patton was (literally) bubbling with excitement. "Youguysyouguysyouguys it's happening" he squealed quietly as Deceit tried on a few outfits behind a curtain. 

"A romance is blossoming! We'll all be human again soon!" cheered Roman, equally as quietly. Deceit stepped out from behind the curtain and even Logan winced. "Perhaps, we should help you" he offered.

The snake groaned. "I'll never get thiss right, maybe I sshould call it off-" he muttered, heading towards the door. 

"But Master **(if one of you filthy sinners-),** don't you want to impress him?" called the candle. "Don't you want this?" 

Upstairs, Virgil was probably having an easier time. The cloak he usually wore was black, patched with pieces of purple cloth. He had always dreamed that his other dad was a king, purple was a colour for the rich after all. His dreams had been crushed when Thomas told him that his other dad used to be a thief, and lifted the scraps from a castle. "He stole my heart too" he would always joke. 

Valerie had given him a simple black suit, picking up the purple in his cloak and adding it to his tie and shirt. "You look lovely, my dear" she said, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear in a surprisingly motherly like fashion. "And oh, the finishing touch!" she took out a small brush and outlined his eyes. "Hold still a little longer" and with a quick flick of the brush, she added a small amount of gold leaf near the corners of his lids. "Now go on, enjoy your night"

Deceit was waiting for him on the second tier of stairs and he caught his breath as Virgil came down and stood next to him. "You look beautiful tonight" he murmured. Virgil was glad he was wearing foundation. 

"So do you" he replied. He was telling the truth. Deceit had on a black suit, similar to his design, although his vest was yellow and he was wearing a bow tie. As he offered his arm, he noticed that he'd removed his gloves. The two descended the stairs together and out of the corner of his eye, he saw Joan begin to play the piano and Patton wink at him. 

 _Tale as old as time_  
True as it can be  
Barely even friends  
Then somebody bends  
Unexpectedly

They faced each other and Deceit bowed, Virgil doing the same a moment later. If he squinted, Deceit almost looked shy as he offered his hand, a clear invitation to dance. Virgil smiled slightly and took it, their fingers lacing as they made their way across the floor.

 _Just a little change_  
Small, to say the least  
Both a little scared  
Neither one prepared  
Beauty and the Beast

Virgil wondered if he was really doing this. This...snake had imprisoned his father, and then him, and treated him horribly until he left on his own. What had made him attack the wolves? What made him show Virgil his library? Why was he suddenly _nice?_  As Deceit spun him around again, his line of thought changed. _Why did I agree to a ball? Why didn't I leave him for dead? Why..._ He nearly faltered. _Why am I falling for him?_

 _Ever just the same  
Ever a surprise  
Ever as before  
Ever just as sure  
As the sun will rise_  
  
Deceit was wondering the same things and they continued their dance. _Why did I go back for him? Why did he save me? Why did I give him the library?_ He sighed internally. _Oh Virgil, I've only let one person into my heart and she died when I was a child. How did you manage to do it? Are you going to leave me too?_

 _Tale as old as time_  
Tune as old as song  
Bittersweet and strange  
Finding you can change  
Learning you were wrong

The castle objects, minus Patton who was singing, were gathered in the kitchen. "This is the night" announced Roman. "We'll be human again by dawn"

"I certainly hope so" said Logan, wincing as one of his cogs creaked for a moment. 

"What do you mean, 'I certainly hope so'? Of course we will! The master loves him and Virgil loves him in return! It's perfect!" Remy grunted.

"Damn straight sis" 

"But I'm not"

"Are any of us?" Logan cleared his throat.

"What I mean is, I've learned not to hang my wishes on things until they actually happen. Too much wishing breaks your heart" He turned away and looked out the window. "I should know"

 _Certain as the sun_  
Certain as the sun  
Rising in the east  
Tale as old as time  
Song as old as rhyme  
Beauty and the Beast

  
The pair found themselves on the balcony in silence. "You dance well" said Deceit after a while. 

"My father taught me" replied Virgil. "Thank you for tonight, it's been ages since I've danced" A spark of hope shone in the snake's eyes. 

"You enjoyed it then? Do you think you could be happy here?" The other man turned to him, a little sadly.

"Can anyone be happy if they aren't free?" They returned to the silence for a while, it wasn't awkward, just, strained. 

"Do you miss your father?" asked Deceit softly. Virgil nodded, surprised to find that he'd forgotten about Thomas while they were dancing. "Would you like to see him?" He handed over a mirror. "Just ask"

"Show me my father" he said firmly. The surface seemed to come alive and he gasped as he saw Thomas be dragged from his house and roughed into the back of a carriage. "He's in trouble" he said desperately, looking at his captor. 

Deceit closed his eyes, pain lancing through his heart. "Then you must go to him" Virgil started in surprise. He nodded gently. "Go"

* * *

 

“Oh my God Virgil! Are you ok?!” gasped Thomas the second the cart doors closed, wrapping him up in a hug.

“I’m fine Dad, I’m fine” he murmured, not bothering to wipe away the tears streaking down his face.

“How did you get away?” he asked incredulously. In answer, Virgil held out the mirror.

“He let me go, he let me come find you. He gave me the suit too” Thomas rubbed the fabric of his tie between his fingers.

“Purple” he breathed. His son nodded.

“He took me back there Dad, I know what happened. I know why you had to leave” Thomas looked away.

“I’m sorry Virge” He shook his head.

“No, it’s ok. I talked to him before he went to the gallows. He told me that if he had a wish, he wanted his husband and child to be safe, wanted them to have a full life wherever they ended up next” Thomas looked like he was about to cry and Virgil took his hands in both of his. “Please Dad, let me go save Deceit”

His father nodded and pulled a pair of pliers from his pocket. “Damn idiots. Think I don’t know how a lock works” he grumbled, wiggling the tool until the doors swung open. “I’ll catch up to you! Don’t worry!” he called as Virgil swung a leg up and over the saddle, cantering full speed towards the castle.

Of course, back at the castle, absolutely nothing was going right and Deceit briefly pondered just throwing himself over the edge of the roof. On top of that, the fact that a moustached maniac was chasing him around the tower spires with a very large knife. “Just give it up Deceit!” he yelled from behind him. “Virgil sent me” The snake faltered and nearly slipped off the top of one of the bridges. Remus scoffed. “Oh I see. You loved him, didn’t you? Did you really think he could love you? You’re a monster, a beast. WHY DON’T YOU JUST DIE ALREADY?!”

Something happened just then. Maybe it was the fact that the enchantress had returned, maybe it was the fact that the castle objects had driven the village out of the castle, MAYBE it was the fact that Virgil had fought his way up the stairs and was standing no more than 15 feet away from him. His suit drenched and muddy and his eyeliner smudged underneath his eyes in a black mass. “DECEIT!” he yelled. “DECEIT WHERE ARE YOU?!”

His head whipped around and a smile broke out across his features. “Virgil! You came back?!”

“Of course I did you idiot! Did you really think I’d leave forever?!” Deceit shook his head.

“SSStay there, I’m coming back over!” Perhaps it was a good think that he was partly a snake, because no human would have been able to move fast enough to make it across the last of the crumbling bridges. Virgil ran right into his arms. “I thought I losst you forever” he murmured. Suddenly, his features contorted in pain and he collapsed against a wall, Remus suddenly in front of him with a bloody dagger in his hand.

“NO!” Virgil screamed. “REMUS LEAVE HIM ALONE” The man ignored him and stood over the fallen body.

“You know what’s on this knife?” he asked, grinning like a madman. “Black mamba venom. Isn’t that funny? A snake dying by the hands of another snake!” he cackled, crouching low and dragging the tip of the dagger from the corner of his mouth to just below his cheekbones. “There you go!” he laughed as Deceit screamed in pain at the burn of the blade. “A nice tattoo to remember me by. Not that you will once I kill you of course”

The snake shifted his eyes ever so slightly to meet Virgil’s, who’s eyes were wide with fear and worry. Looking back up, he glared at Remus, spitting right in his face. “You know what’sss your problem?” he ground out. “You talk too much” and with that, he grabbed the corner of his collar and shoved with the last of his strength. Off balance and surprised, Remus teetered at the edge of the platform for a moment before plummeting into the darkness below. Deceit exhaled one last time before going still.

“NONONONONONONO NO WAIT!” Virgil scrambled to his side having finally regained his senses. “Dee! No! You can’t die yet! I-“ he cut off, feeling a panic attack closing in. He tried to remember what Thomas had taught him. Breathe Virge, just breathe. He exhaled. “I love you” The castle held it’s breath as Virgil leaned down and pressed a light kiss to his lips. “I love you. Please come back”

Unseen and unheard, the enchantress smiled to herself and waved her hand and Deceit’s body glowed a warm golden light, rising into the air. Virgil gaped as his scales began to disappear and his eyes became a beautiful chocolate brown. The only thing that remained was the scar. He gasped as his feet touched the stone, and blinked. “Virgil?” he whispered hoarsely.

“Dee!” he cried, rushing forward to hug him tightly. “Don’t do that ever again” he sobbed. Deceit squeezed him back just as tightly.

“Of coursse my love” They pulled apart and stood there, grinning like idiots. “You know, if you want, I can tell you my real name” he offered. To his surprise, the other man just laughed and shook his head.

“You don’t have to Dee, I’ll love you just the same” And suddenly Deceit understood.

Virgil was never going to leave him. Not for anything  

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know this is out of order but I’m really proud of it and wanted to get it out to you. I might make this it’s own story, outside of the one shot collection and go into more detail and add more scenes. Would you guys be interested?


	29. IM NOT DEAADD

HEY GUYS ASH HERE TO TELL YOU THAT IM NOT DEAD

YAYYYYYYYYY

 

A couple of quick announcements before we start

 

1\. I'm working REALLY FUCKING HARD on this new chapter because you guys deserve something nice for putting up with my bullshit goddammit. It's pretty long and there's a lot of angst and fluff and I really hope you'll like it. Again, sorry for taking like 3 years. (KAITLYN DONT TELL ME NOT TO APOLOGIZE YOU'RE NOT MY DAD XD)

 

2\. GUESS WHO STARTED MOTHERFUCKIN HIGHSCHOOL?! This bitch right here. Classes give so much damn homework its not even funny so the updates will be a bit slower until I get my shit together. Thanks for continuing to read this, it gives me STRENGTH

 

Ok, the actual announcement

 

I MADE AN INSTAGRAM SO YALL LOVELY HOOMANS (and aliens that escaped from area 51) CAN DM ME!

I feel like you guys probably want more than just me replying to your comments (those conversations take forever) SO IM MAKING THIS

Even better, once I have you guys in my DMs, I can make a group chat and ya'll can mingle and trade fandoms and shit it's gonna be great

So here it is: imagine.the.fandoms.official 

with this lil picani as the profile pic

 

Once you find it, there's going to be exactly one post, and its this picture:

(Look at this cute motherfucker what-)

 

All you gotta do is comment something like "Hi ash it is i *insert name here* I read your shit lets DM" or something like that. Follow me and I'll follow you back (since DM's only work if you're friends) and we can start talkingggg

 

Hope to see you there :)

-Ash

 


	30. Area 51

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In honor of the Area 51 Storm today, I bring you this

If Virgil had looked closer, he probably would have seen Logan, Deceit, and Remus huddled together over a map and a stack of books. 

Remus grinned manically. "Let's got tap some alien ass" Logan and Deceit pulled a face.

"Uh sure" replied the Logical side. "You do that. I'll be checking out the gadgets" Deceit fixed his bowler hat. 

"Pssh, both of you are lame. I'm doing this in the name of fuckin anarchy" The three of them looked over the map again. 

"Alright" said Logan. "We have about 10 hours to get there, once the raid starts, the military is going to be all over our asses, so we're going to need a plan" Remus raised his hand like an excited toddler.

"We could Naruto run and dodge the bullets!" The other two looked at each other and shrugged. 

"Sure. That works" Deceit grumbled something and wrote it down on a notepad. Logan reached behind him and spread out another map.

"Ok, here's Rachel" he said, pointing to the town. "And here's Area 51" He dragged his finger a little ways away to a section outlined in red. "It should be easy to blend in with the others. If we actually get into Area 51, where do you guys want to start?" 

Deceit picked up a blue pen and circled the middle portion. "Everyone's going to head for the middle first, I don't know about you two, but I plan on getting there before the rest of the maniac's loot everything" Logan nodded and took a black pen from behind his ear. 

"Seems reasonable. I'll come with you in case there's anything of interest then make my way towards the outer edges" He traced a dotted line from the blue circle to the red pen marks. Remus chewed on his mustache and took out a hot pink sharpie looking as if he was concentrating hard. 

"Let's see, we don't know much about the aliens at all so..." he made a few dots around the map before filling in a circle in the middle. "Middle outwards" he said. 

"Nice, so we'll just all start in the middle and split up?" asked Deceit. When he got a nod in response, he folded up the map and put it in his pocket, smoothing out the one underneath it. "We'll need a plan to get there and an exit too" 

Logan wiped his glasses. "Do you two know how to ride a motorbike?" he asked, his glasses shining. Deceit and Remus looked and each other, slow smiles lighting up their faces. 

"Hell yeah" 

"Great. That's our exit. Meet up at the 'Welcome to Rachel' sign around 3 am?" 

"Hell yeah" 

Deceit fished a phone out of his pocket. "It takes about 4 hours and 50 minutes to fly to Nevada from here" he said, flipping the phone around. Logan folded up the other map and handed it to him. 

"Well then, we'd better get going"

A little while later, the three of them were silently making their way down the stairs, each equipped with a backpack and a set of keys. Deceit had one foot out the door when the kitchen light flicked on and Patton, Virgil and Roman stood there. 

"What do you think you're doing?" hissed Virgil. The three turned around slowly, still inching towards the door. 

"Not raiding Area 51?" said Remus. Roman facepalmed. 

"Logan? You're going with them?" asked Patton, not quite sure how to react.

"Of course. I starting planning this damn thing since the announcement came out on Facebook" Virgil sighed.

"Why am I not surprised?" Patton tilted his head. 

"Where did Deceit and Remus go?" he asked. Logan two finger saluted at the three and sprinted out the door before either of them could say a word.

"Bye!" he called before disappearing into the night. 

 

So yeah, have this short little thing in honour of September 20th, may this day go down in history for years to come. Love youuuu

 


End file.
